1
00:01:37,549 --> 00:01:39,758
Whenever I get gloomy
with the state of the world,

2
00:01:39,841 --> 00:01:43,300
I think about the arrivals gate
at Heathrow airport.

3
00:01:43,591 --> 00:01:44,841
General opinion
started to make out

4
00:01:44,925 --> 00:01:47,341
that we live in a world of
hatred and greed,

5
00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:48,925
but I don't see that.

6
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,424
Seems to me that
love is everywhere.

7
00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:54,675
Often it's not particularly
dignified or newsworthy,

8
00:01:54,758 --> 00:01:56,508
but it's always there.

9
00:01:56,591 --> 00:01:58,175
Fathers and sons,
mothers and daughters,

10
00:01:58,258 --> 00:01:59,466
husbands and wives,

11
00:01:59,549 --> 00:02:02,300
boyfriends, girlfriends,
old friends.

12
00:02:03,341 --> 00:02:04,800
When the planes
hit the Twin Towers,

13
00:02:04,883 --> 00:02:07,341
as far as I know, none of the phone calls
from the people on board

14
00:02:07,424 --> 00:02:10,050
were messages of
hate or revenge.

15
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:12,341
They were all
messages of love.

16
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,967
If you look for it,
I've got a sneaky feeling

17
00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:18,633
you'll find that love
actually is all around.

18
00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:37,258
<i>I feel it in my fingers</i>

19
00:02:37,341 --> 00:02:40,591
<i>I feel it in my toes</i>

20
00:02:40,675 --> 00:02:45,424
<i>Feel it in my toes, yeah</i>

21
00:02:45,508 --> 00:02:49,925
<i>Love is all around me
and so the...</i>

22
00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:52,300
I'm afraid you
did it again, Bill.

23
00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:56,883
It's just, I know the old
version so well, you know.

24
00:02:57,383 --> 00:02:59,424
Well, we all do.

25
00:02:59,549 --> 00:03:02,050
That's why we're making
the new version.

26
00:03:02,175 --> 00:03:03,675
Right, okay, let's go.

27
00:03:07,383 --> 00:03:09,424
<i>I feel it in my fingers</i>

28
00:03:09,508 --> 00:03:10,549
<i>In my fingers</i>

29
00:03:10,633 --> 00:03:13,633
<i>I feel it in my toes</i>

30
00:03:13,883 --> 00:03:18,133
<i>Feel it in my toes, yeah</i>

31
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,300
<i>Love is all...</i>

32
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:24,092
Fuck, wank, bugger,
shitting ass head and hole.

33
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,967
Start again.

34
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,300
<i>I feel it in my fingers</i>

35
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,424
<i>In my fingers</i>

36
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:40,424
<i>I feel it in my toes</i>

37
00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:45,175
<i>Feel it in my toes, yeah</i>

38
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,424
<i>Christmas is all around me</i>

39
00:03:47,508 --> 00:03:48,549
<i>All around me</i>

40
00:03:48,633 --> 00:03:51,800
<i>And so the feeling grows</i>

41
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:56,175
<i>So the feeling grows</i>

42
00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:58,841
<i>It's written in the wind</i>

43
00:03:58,925 --> 00:04:00,175
<i>In the wind</i>

44
00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:02,758
<i>It's everywhere I go</i>

45
00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:07,591
<i>Everywhere I go</i>

46
00:04:07,675 --> 00:04:10,092
<i>So if you
really love Christmas</i>

47
00:04:10,175 --> 00:04:11,217
<i>Love Christmas</i>

48
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,758
<i>Come on and let it snow</i>

49
00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:16,008
<i>Come on and let it...</i>

50
00:04:16,092 --> 00:04:18,258
This is shit, isn't it?

51
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:21,133
Yep,
solid gold shit, maestro.

52
00:04:45,217 --> 00:04:46,967
God, I'm so late.

53
00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:49,383
It's just round the corner.
You'll make it.

54
00:04:49,466 --> 00:04:52,258
You sure you don't mind me
going without you?

55
00:04:52,341 --> 00:04:54,716
No, really.
I'm just feeling so rotten.

56
00:04:54,841 --> 00:04:56,217
I love you.

57
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,466
I know.

58
00:04:57,549 --> 00:05:01,383
I love you even when you're
sick and look disgusting.

59
00:05:01,883 --> 00:05:05,258
I know. Now, go or you
will actually miss it.

60
00:05:05,383 --> 00:05:07,092
Right.

61
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,466
Did I mention that I love you?

62
00:05:11,549 --> 00:05:14,383
Yes, you did.
Get out, loser.

63
00:05:31,466 --> 00:05:34,383
Karen, it's me again.

64
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:38,633
I'm sorry, I literally don't have
anyone else to talk to.

65
00:05:39,716 --> 00:05:43,300
Absolutely. Horrible moment right now
though. Can I call you back?

66
00:05:43,383 --> 00:05:44,716
Of course.

67
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,549
Doesn't mean I'm not terribly concerned
that your wife just died.

68
00:05:49,092 --> 00:05:50,800
Understood.

69
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:53,217
Bugger off, call me later.

70
00:05:57,258 --> 00:05:58,967
So what's this
big news then?

71
00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:00,466
We've been given our parts
in the nativity play...

72
00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:03,508
and I'm the lobster.

73
00:06:03,591 --> 00:06:05,175
- The lobster?
- Yeah.

74
00:06:05,508 --> 00:06:06,841
In the nativity play?

75
00:06:06,925 --> 00:06:08,675
Yeah. First lobster.

76
00:06:08,758 --> 00:06:12,508
There was more than one
lobster present at the birth of Jesus?

77
00:06:12,591 --> 00:06:13,591
Duh.

78
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,383
Best sandwiches in Britain.

79
00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:24,883
Try my lovely nuts?

80
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,675
Beautiful muffin
for a beautiful lady.

81
00:06:33,341 --> 00:06:35,424
Morning, my future wife.

82
00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:55,758
Okay, you can stop there.
Thanks.

83
00:06:55,841 --> 00:06:58,716
I'm gonna need a couple
of orange gels, please, mate.

84
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,508
And by the way,
he introduced me as John,

85
00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:01,967
but actually
everyone calls me Jack.

86
00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:04,967
Fine. Nice to meet you, Jack.

87
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,633
He got me right though.
I'm just Judy.

88
00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:09,466
Great, Just Judy!

89
00:07:14,758 --> 00:07:17,383
- No surprises?
- No surprises.

90
00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:19,383
Not like the stag night?

91
00:07:19,466 --> 00:07:21,258
Unlike the stag night.

92
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,341
Do you admit the Brazilian
prostitutes were a mistake?

93
00:07:23,424 --> 00:07:24,841
I do.

94
00:07:24,967 --> 00:07:28,466
And it would've been much better
if they'd not turned out to be men?

95
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,549
That is true.

96
00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:35,092
Good luck, kiddo.

97
00:07:58,133 --> 00:08:00,883
Prime Minister!

98
00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:14,217
Thank you.

99
00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:17,258
Welcome, Prime Minister.

100
00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:20,008
I must work on my wave.

101
00:08:20,508 --> 00:08:21,549
How are you?

102
00:08:22,424 --> 00:08:24,633
How are you feeling?

103
00:08:24,716 --> 00:08:26,841
Cool. Powerful.

104
00:08:27,217 --> 00:08:29,633
Would you like to meet
your household staff?

105
00:08:29,758 --> 00:08:32,300
Yes, I would like
that very much indeed.

106
00:08:32,383 --> 00:08:35,383
Anything to put off
actually running the country.

107
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,217
This is Terence.
He's in charge.

108
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,925
- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.

109
00:08:41,008 --> 00:08:42,883
I had an uncle
called Terence once.

110
00:08:42,967 --> 00:08:44,424
Hated him.
I think he was a pervert.

111
00:08:44,508 --> 00:08:47,050
But I very much
like the look of you.

112
00:08:47,424 --> 00:08:49,383
- This is Pat.
- Hello, Pat.

113
00:08:49,466 --> 00:08:52,008
Good morning, sir.
I'm the housekeeper.

114
00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:54,549
Right. It should be a lot easier with me
than with the last lot.

115
00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:57,508
No nappies, no teenagers,
no scary wife.

116
00:08:57,591 --> 00:09:00,508
And this is Natalie.
She's new, like you.

117
00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:02,591
- Hello, Natalie.
- Hello, David.

118
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,341
I mean, sir.

119
00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:06,549
Shit, I can't believe
I've just said that.

120
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:10,424
And now I've gone and said shit.
Twice. I'm so sorry, sir.

121
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,716
It's fine, it's fine.
You could've said fuck.

122
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,133
- And then we'd have been in real trouble.
- Thank you, sir.

123
00:09:15,217 --> 00:09:18,800
I did have an awful premonition
I was gonna fuck up on my first day.

124
00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:20,883
Oh, piss it!

125
00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:26,967
Right, I'll go get my things
and then let's fix the country, shall we?

126
00:09:27,591 --> 00:09:29,424
Yeah, I can't see why not.

127
00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,925
- It's all right.
- Did you see what I did?

128
00:09:45,008 --> 00:09:46,633
- Yes, I did.
- I just went...

129
00:09:47,258 --> 00:09:48,300
Hello, there.

130
00:09:48,383 --> 00:09:49,383
I'm right over here.

131
00:09:49,466 --> 00:09:52,424
Yeah, I'm in here.
Okay. Good. Thank you.

132
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:03,591
Oh, no.
That is so inconvenient.

133
00:10:07,092 --> 00:10:10,508
In the presence of God,
Peter and Juliet have given their consent

134
00:10:10,591 --> 00:10:13,133
and made their marriage
vows to each other.

135
00:10:13,217 --> 00:10:16,508
They've declared their marriage
by the giving and receiving of rings.

136
00:10:16,591 --> 00:10:20,508
I therefore proclaim that
they are husband and wife.

137
00:10:26,549 --> 00:10:29,175
And you resisted the
temptation for surprises.

138
00:10:29,258 --> 00:10:31,341
Yeah, I'm mature now.

139
00:10:41,549 --> 00:10:44,508
<i>Love, love, love</i>

140
00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:49,217
<i>Love, love, love</i>

141
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:52,675
Did you do this?

142
00:10:54,424 --> 00:10:55,549
No.

143
00:10:55,633 --> 00:11:00,341
<i>Love, love, love, love</i>

144
00:11:02,424 --> 00:11:05,508
<i>There's nothing you can do
that can't be done</i>

145
00:11:05,591 --> 00:11:06,675
It...

146
00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:09,800
<i>There's nothing you can sing
that can't be sung</i>

147
00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:15,341
<i>There's nothing you can say
but you can learn how to play the game</i>

148
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:18,800
<i>It's easy</i>

149
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:22,508
<i>All you need is love</i>

150
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,675
<i>All you need is love</i>

151
00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:33,967
<i>All you need is love, love</i>

152
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,175
<i>Love is all you need...</i>

153
00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:41,967
Look, it's Pikey.

154
00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:55,716
Hello! What the hell
are you doing here?

155
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,925
I just popped over
to borrow some old CDs.

156
00:11:59,008 --> 00:12:00,424
The lady of the house let
you in, did she?

157
00:12:00,508 --> 00:12:01,716
Yeah.

158
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,800
Lovely, obliging girl.

159
00:12:03,883 --> 00:12:05,008
Yeah.

160
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,466
All right,
I just thought I'd pop back

161
00:12:06,549 --> 00:12:08,133
before the reception
and see if she's better.

162
00:12:08,217 --> 00:12:12,466
This is good.
Listen, I've been thinking.

163
00:12:13,383 --> 00:12:14,925
I think perhaps
we ought to take

164
00:12:15,008 --> 00:12:17,341
Mum out for her birthday on Friday.
What do you think?

165
00:12:17,424 --> 00:12:19,341
I just feel we've been
bad sons this year.

166
00:12:19,424 --> 00:12:22,258
Okay, sounds fine.
A bit boring but fine.

167
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,800
Hurry up, big boy!

168
00:12:23,883 --> 00:12:27,633
I'm naked, and I want you at least twice
before Jamie gets home.

169
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,967
I am so happy to see you!

170
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:43,758
A delicious delicacy?

171
00:12:43,841 --> 00:12:45,217
No, thanks.

172
00:12:50,883 --> 00:12:53,092
Taste explosion?

173
00:13:05,258 --> 00:13:07,383
- Food?
- No, thanks.

174
00:13:07,508 --> 00:13:11,217
Yeah, a bit dodgy, isn't it?
Looks like a dead baby's finger.

175
00:13:13,217 --> 00:13:15,549
Tastes like it too.

176
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,341
I'm Colin, by the way.

177
00:13:21,424 --> 00:13:23,883
- I'm Nancy.
- Wicked.

178
00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:26,424
- What do you do, Nancy?
- I'm a cook.

179
00:13:26,508 --> 00:13:28,341
- Ever do weddings?
- Yes, I do.

180
00:13:28,424 --> 00:13:30,300
They should've asked
you to do this one.

181
00:13:30,383 --> 00:13:31,633
They did.

182
00:13:32,466 --> 00:13:34,967
God, I wish you hadn't
have turned it down.

183
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:36,175
I didn't.

184
00:13:36,258 --> 00:13:38,424
Right.

185
00:13:41,092 --> 00:13:43,133
I've just worked out
why I can never find true love.

186
00:13:43,217 --> 00:13:44,258
Why is that?

187
00:13:44,341 --> 00:13:46,675
English girls.
They're stuck up, you see.

188
00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:48,925
And I am primarily
attractive to girls

189
00:13:49,008 --> 00:13:51,383
who are, you know,
cooler, game for a laugh.

190
00:13:51,466 --> 00:13:55,716
Like American girls.
So I should just go to America.

191
00:13:56,175 --> 00:13:58,217
I would get a girlfriend
there instantly.

192
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,300
What do you think?

193
00:13:59,383 --> 00:14:01,341
I think it's crap, Colin.

194
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,300
That's where you're wrong.

195
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:06,508
American girls would seriously dig me
with my cute British accent.

196
00:14:06,591 --> 00:14:08,133
You don't have a cute
British accent.

197
00:14:08,217 --> 00:14:10,383
Yes, I do!
I'm going to America.

198
00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:14,258
Colin, you're a lonely, ugly asshole,
and you must accept it.

199
00:14:14,383 --> 00:14:17,300
Never.
I am Colin, God of Sex.

200
00:14:17,383 --> 00:14:19,383
I'm just on the wrong
continent, that's all.

201
00:14:19,466 --> 00:14:22,508
Bit of quiet while
we finish the lighting, guys!

202
00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:25,175
I thought I was never
gonna make it here today.

203
00:14:25,258 --> 00:14:26,967
- The traffic was just...
- Unbelievable.

204
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:29,258
Judy, could you take
the top off this time?

205
00:14:29,341 --> 00:14:31,217
Lighting and camera need to know
when we're actually gonna

206
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,633
see the nipples
and when we're not.

207
00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:37,466
Yes, okay. Right.
At least it's nice and warm in here.

208
00:14:37,549 --> 00:14:39,508
Yeah. It's not always
the case, is it?

209
00:14:39,633 --> 00:14:42,341
I was standing in for Brad Pitt once
on Seven Years in Tibet...

210
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,925
- Yes, yeah.
- Bloody freezing.

211
00:14:45,591 --> 00:14:47,925
Sorry, guys, time's pretty tight
and we have to get the actors in.

212
00:14:48,008 --> 00:14:50,217
- Fine.
- I promise I won't look.

213
00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:55,925
Right, let's have another
look at that one, please.

214
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:10,466
And Jerry says if you can just put
your hands on her breasts.

215
00:15:10,549 --> 00:15:11,675
All right, okay, yeah.
Is that all right?

216
00:15:11,758 --> 00:15:13,092
Yes. Yeah, fine.

217
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:14,925
I'll warm them up.

218
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:19,341
And massage them, please.

219
00:15:19,424 --> 00:15:20,508
Right.

220
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,300
It's junction 13 that's
just murder, isn't it?

221
00:15:28,383 --> 00:15:30,758
Total gridlock this morning.

222
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:39,675
Jo and I had a lot of time
to prepare for this moment.

223
00:15:40,092 --> 00:15:42,883
Some of her requests,
for instance,

224
00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:48,341
that I should bring Claudia Schiffer
as my date to the funeral,

225
00:15:48,424 --> 00:15:52,008
I was confident
she expected me to ignore.

226
00:15:52,092 --> 00:15:55,424
But others she was
pretty damn clear about.

227
00:15:56,549 --> 00:15:59,675
When she first mentioned
what's about to happen,

228
00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:03,424
I said,
over my dead body.

229
00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:06,633
And she said,
no, Daniel, over mine.

230
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,925
And as usual,
my darling girl

231
00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:13,841
and Sam's
darling mom was right.

232
00:16:15,466 --> 00:16:20,383
So she's going to say her final farewell
to you not through me but,

233
00:16:20,549 --> 00:16:25,217
inevitably, ever so coolly,

234
00:16:26,841 --> 00:16:30,549
through the immortal genius of
the Bay City Rollers.

235
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,508
Do you love him?

236
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,633
What?

237
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,217
No, I just thought I'd ask the blunt
question in case it was the right one

238
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:38,883
and you needed someone
to talk to about it

239
00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:40,008
and no one had
ever asked you,

240
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,549
so you've never been able to talk
about it though you might've wanted to.

241
00:17:42,633 --> 00:17:46,925
No. No. No is the answer.
No. Absolutely not.

242
00:17:49,383 --> 00:17:51,341
So that's a no then?

243
00:17:51,424 --> 00:17:52,633
Yes.

244
00:17:58,341 --> 00:18:01,092
This DJ,
what do you reckon?

245
00:18:01,383 --> 00:18:04,133
- The worst in history?
- Probably.

246
00:18:04,466 --> 00:18:06,549
I think it all hangs
on the next song.

247
00:18:06,841 --> 00:18:08,424
Now here's one
for the lovers.

248
00:18:08,508 --> 00:18:12,008
That's quite a few of you,
I shouldn't be surprised and a half.

249
00:18:19,175 --> 00:18:22,424
- He's done it, it's official.
- Worst DJ in the world.

250
00:18:31,925 --> 00:18:33,716
Sarah's waiting for you.

251
00:18:34,675 --> 00:18:37,341
Yes, of course.

252
00:18:38,008 --> 00:18:40,217
Great, good, good.

253
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:42,341
How are you doing, Mia?

254
00:18:42,424 --> 00:18:44,466
Are you settling in fine?
Learning who to avoid?

255
00:18:44,549 --> 00:18:46,258
Absolutely.

256
00:18:48,841 --> 00:18:50,008
Harry?

257
00:18:50,092 --> 00:18:54,466
Sarah, switch off your
phone and tell me exactly

258
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,591
how long it is that
you've been working here.

259
00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:03,175
Two years, seven months,

260
00:19:03,549 --> 00:19:05,967
three days and, I suppose,
what, two hours?

261
00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:10,883
And how long have you been in love with Karl,
our enigmatic chief designer?

262
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,424
Two years,
seven months, three days

263
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:22,300
and, I suppose,
an hour and 30 minutes.

264
00:19:22,383 --> 00:19:23,883
Thought as much.

265
00:19:23,967 --> 00:19:26,092
- Do you think everybody knows?
- Yes.

266
00:19:26,383 --> 00:19:28,258
- Do you think Karl knows?
- Yes.

267
00:19:29,549 --> 00:19:32,591
That is...
That is bad news.

268
00:19:32,675 --> 00:19:36,258
I just thought that
maybe the time had come

269
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:37,967
to do something about it.

270
00:19:38,967 --> 00:19:40,424
Like what?

271
00:19:40,508 --> 00:19:42,758
Invite him out for a drink,
and then after about 20 minutes,

272
00:19:42,841 --> 00:19:45,341
casually drop into the conversation the fact
that you'd like to marry him

273
00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:46,466
and have lots of sex
and babies.

274
00:19:46,549 --> 00:19:48,841
- You know that?
- Yes.

275
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,466
And so does Karl.

276
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:54,549
Think about it,
for all our sakes.

277
00:19:55,217 --> 00:19:57,175
It's Christmas.

278
00:19:58,925 --> 00:20:03,591
Certainly. Excellent.
Will do. Thanks, boss.

279
00:20:06,591 --> 00:20:07,633
- Hi, Sarah.
- Hi, Karl.

280
00:20:07,716 --> 00:20:08,841
Excuse me.

281
00:20:19,133 --> 00:20:22,424
Babe.
Absolutely, fire away.

282
00:20:23,466 --> 00:20:25,967
Mia, Mia, would
you turn that down?

283
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:29,217
What is that?

284
00:20:29,549 --> 00:20:33,217
And that was the Christmas effort
by the once great Billy Mack.

285
00:20:33,383 --> 00:20:36,175
Oh, dear me,
how are the mighty fallen.

286
00:20:36,383 --> 00:20:37,675
I can safely put
my hand up my ass and say

287
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:41,466
that is the worst record
I've heard this century...

288
00:20:42,092 --> 00:20:46,133
And, coincidentally,
I believe Billy will be a guest

289
00:20:46,217 --> 00:20:48,841
on my friend Mike's show
in a few minutes' time.

290
00:20:49,591 --> 00:20:51,716
Welcome back, Bill.

291
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,341
So, Billy,
welcome back to the airwaves.

292
00:20:54,424 --> 00:20:57,591
New Christmas single,
cover of Love Is All Around.

293
00:20:57,675 --> 00:21:02,800
Except we've changed the word
love to Christmas.

294
00:21:03,008 --> 00:21:06,217
Yes, is that an important
message to you, Bill?

295
00:21:06,424 --> 00:21:08,508
Not really, Mike.

296
00:21:08,591 --> 00:21:13,133
Christmas is a time for people
with someone they love in their lives.

297
00:21:13,217 --> 00:21:15,549
- And that's not you?
- That's not me, Michael.

298
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:19,633
When I was young and successful,
I was greedy and foolish,

299
00:21:19,716 --> 00:21:23,675
and now I'm left with no one,
wrinkled and alone.

300
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:26,716
- Thanks for that, Bill.
- For what?

301
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,508
Well, for actually giving
a real answer to a question.

302
00:21:29,591 --> 00:21:33,258
It doesn't often happen here
at Radio Watford, I can tell you.

303
00:21:33,341 --> 00:21:35,466
Ask me anything you like,
and I'll tell you the truth.

304
00:21:35,549 --> 00:21:37,300
Best shag you ever had?

305
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:38,383
Britney Spears.

306
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,092
No, only kidding!

307
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:43,633
She was rubbish.

308
00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:45,092
Okay, here's one.

309
00:21:45,175 --> 00:21:49,549
How do you think the new record
compares to your old, classic stuff?

310
00:21:49,633 --> 00:21:53,217
Come on, Mikey, you know as well as
I do the record's crap.

311
00:21:55,175 --> 00:21:58,258
But wouldn't it be great
if number one this Christmas

312
00:21:58,341 --> 00:22:00,591
wasn't some smug teenager

313
00:22:00,675 --> 00:22:05,008
but an old ex-heroin addict
searching for a comeback at any price?

314
00:22:05,341 --> 00:22:07,424
All those young popsters
come Christmas day,

315
00:22:07,508 --> 00:22:11,341
they'll be stretched out naked
with a cute bird balancing on their balls

316
00:22:11,549 --> 00:22:15,008
and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat
with me manager, Joe,

317
00:22:15,092 --> 00:22:17,092
ugliest man in the world,

318
00:22:17,424 --> 00:22:21,466
fucking miserable because
our fucking gamble didn't pay off.

319
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:26,591
So if you believe in Father Christmas,
children, like your Uncle Billy does,

320
00:22:27,175 --> 00:22:30,758
buy my festering turd of a record.

321
00:22:31,092 --> 00:22:34,050
And particularly enjoy
the incredible crassness

322
00:22:34,133 --> 00:22:38,258
of the moment when we try to squeeze
an extra syllable into the fourth line.

323
00:22:38,341 --> 00:22:40,675
I think you're referring to...

324
00:22:40,758 --> 00:22:43,383
If you really
love Christmas...

325
00:22:43,466 --> 00:22:45,341
Come on and let it snow.

326
00:22:46,508 --> 00:22:48,549
So, here it is one more time,

327
00:22:48,633 --> 00:22:52,050
the dark horse for this year's
Christmas number one,

328
00:22:52,217 --> 00:22:54,967
Christmas Is All Around.
Thank you, Billy.

329
00:22:55,050 --> 00:22:56,508
After this, the news.

330
00:22:56,591 --> 00:22:59,300
Is the new prime minister
in trouble already?

331
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:06,716
Okay. What's next?

332
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,050
The President's visit.

333
00:23:08,133 --> 00:23:11,633
Yes, yes. I fear this is going to
be a difficult one to play.

334
00:23:11,716 --> 00:23:12,841
Alex.

335
00:23:13,341 --> 00:23:15,633
There's a very strong feeling
in the party

336
00:23:15,716 --> 00:23:17,508
we mustn't allow ourselves
to be bullied

337
00:23:17,591 --> 00:23:18,883
from pillar to post
like the last government.

338
00:23:18,967 --> 00:23:20,050
Hear, hear.

339
00:23:20,133 --> 00:23:22,424
This is our first
really important test.

340
00:23:22,508 --> 00:23:24,175
Let's take a stand.

341
00:23:24,258 --> 00:23:29,133
Right. Right. I understand that,
but I have decided

342
00:23:30,424 --> 00:23:32,383
not to, not this time.

343
00:23:32,758 --> 00:23:34,383
We will, of course,
try to be clever.

344
00:23:34,466 --> 00:23:37,217
But let's not forget that America
is the most powerful country in the world.

345
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:39,675
I'm not going to act
like a petulant child.

346
00:23:42,008 --> 00:23:43,383
Right, who do you have
to screw around here

347
00:23:43,466 --> 00:23:45,633
to get a cup of tea
and a chocolate biscuit?

348
00:23:52,675 --> 00:23:53,800
Right.

349
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:57,508
Yeah, come in.

350
00:24:02,466 --> 00:24:07,466
These have just come through
from the treasury and these are for you.

351
00:24:08,508 --> 00:24:10,300
Excellent.
Thanks a lot.

352
00:24:10,633 --> 00:24:12,675
I was hoping you'd win,

353
00:24:12,758 --> 00:24:14,341
not that I wouldn't have been
nice to the other bloke too.

354
00:24:14,424 --> 00:24:17,258
Just always given him
the boring biscuits with no chocolate.

355
00:24:18,549 --> 00:24:20,383
Thanks very much. Thanks...

356
00:24:21,967 --> 00:24:24,050
Natalie.

357
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:33,383
God, come on, get a grip.
You're the prime minister, for God's sake.

358
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:38,175
So what do you reckon to
our new prime minister then?

359
00:24:38,258 --> 00:24:42,383
I like him. I can't understand
why he's not married though.

360
00:24:42,549 --> 00:24:45,758
You know the type,
he's married to his job.

361
00:24:45,883 --> 00:24:48,967
Either that or gay
as a picnic basket.

362
00:24:49,175 --> 00:24:52,508
Excuse me, Judy,
if you could just lower the nipples

363
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:53,591
and cheat them
a bit to the left?

364
00:24:53,675 --> 00:24:54,800
Okay.

365
00:24:58,549 --> 00:25:01,008
I have to say, Judy,
this is a real pleasure.

366
00:25:01,092 --> 00:25:04,591
It's lovely to find someone
I can actually chat to.

367
00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:06,841
- Thank you.
- Well, you know...

368
00:25:07,092 --> 00:25:08,508
- And ditto.
- Thank you.

369
00:25:08,633 --> 00:25:10,675
And the move again,
please, Judy.

370
00:25:11,175 --> 00:25:12,300
- Sorry.
- God, sorry.

371
00:25:12,383 --> 00:25:14,508
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, fine.

372
00:25:16,591 --> 00:25:18,466
Exciting news!

373
00:25:18,549 --> 00:25:19,591
What?

374
00:25:19,675 --> 00:25:23,258
I've bought a ticket to the States.
I'm off in three weeks.

375
00:25:23,341 --> 00:25:24,549
- No.
- Yes!

376
00:25:24,633 --> 00:25:27,633
To a fantastic place
called Wisconsin.

377
00:25:27,716 --> 00:25:28,758
No!

378
00:25:28,841 --> 00:25:32,341
Yes! Wisconsin babes,
here comes Sir Colin!

379
00:25:32,424 --> 00:25:37,133
No, Col! There are a few babes
in America, I grant you,

380
00:25:37,217 --> 00:25:39,841
but they're already going out
with rich, attractive guys.

381
00:25:39,925 --> 00:25:42,800
Tone, you're just jealous.

382
00:25:42,883 --> 00:25:46,841
You know perfectly well
that any bar anywhere in America

383
00:25:46,925 --> 00:25:51,424
contains 10 girls more beautiful
and more likely to have sex with me

384
00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:52,841
than the whole of
the United Kingdom.

385
00:25:52,925 --> 00:25:55,925
That is total bollocks.
You've actually gone mad now.

386
00:25:56,008 --> 00:26:01,050
No, I'm wise. Stateside I am Prince William
without the weird family.

387
00:26:01,133 --> 00:26:02,675
No, Colin, no!

388
00:26:02,758 --> 00:26:04,508
Yes!

389
00:26:04,591 --> 00:26:06,300
Ja, darling!

390
00:26:06,383 --> 00:26:09,633
Right, the Christmas party,
not my favorite night of the year

391
00:26:09,716 --> 00:26:12,300
and your unhappy
job to organize.

392
00:26:12,383 --> 00:26:13,549
Tell me.

393
00:26:13,633 --> 00:26:15,341
It's basic, really.

394
00:26:15,424 --> 00:26:19,383
Find a venue, over-order on the drinks,
bulk buy the guacamole

395
00:26:19,466 --> 00:26:23,383
and advise the girls to avoid Kevin
if they want their breasts unfondled.

396
00:26:23,591 --> 00:26:25,591
Wives and family and stuff?

397
00:26:25,675 --> 00:26:27,758
Yeah.
I mean, not children.

398
00:26:27,841 --> 00:26:31,466
But their wives and
girlfriends, et cetera.

399
00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:34,424
Oh, Christ, you haven't
got some horrible six-foot,

400
00:26:34,508 --> 00:26:37,300
tight-T-shirt-wearing boyfriend
you'll be bringing, have you?

401
00:26:37,383 --> 00:26:41,967
No. I'll just be hanging around
the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed.

402
00:26:43,508 --> 00:26:44,633
Really?

403
00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:47,300
Right.

404
00:26:57,466 --> 00:26:59,883
He now spends all
the time in his room.

405
00:26:59,967 --> 00:27:01,300
I mean,
he'll be up there now.

406
00:27:01,383 --> 00:27:04,716
That's nothing unusual
about that. My horrid son...

407
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:05,967
- Bernard?
- Bernard.

408
00:27:06,050 --> 00:27:09,800
Stays in his room all the time.
Thank goodness.

409
00:27:09,883 --> 00:27:12,383
Yeah, but, Karen,
this is all the time.

410
00:27:14,383 --> 00:27:17,508
I'm afraid that there's something
really wrong, you know?

411
00:27:18,591 --> 00:27:19,967
I mean, clearly it's
about his mom,

412
00:27:20,050 --> 00:27:25,175
but, Christ, he might be injecting heroin
into his eyeballs for all I know.

413
00:27:25,967 --> 00:27:27,383
At the age of 11?

414
00:27:27,466 --> 00:27:29,841
Well, maybe
not his eyeballs then.

415
00:27:29,925 --> 00:27:31,883
Maybe just his veins.

416
00:27:31,967 --> 00:27:33,883
You see, the problem is
it was his mom

417
00:27:33,967 --> 00:27:36,591
who always used to talk to
him, you know, and...

418
00:27:37,841 --> 00:27:41,258
I don't know, this
whole stepfather thing

419
00:27:41,341 --> 00:27:45,341
seems suddenly to somehow matter
like it never did before.

420
00:27:45,424 --> 00:27:50,258
Listen, it was always going to
be a totally shit time.

421
00:27:50,424 --> 00:27:51,883
Just be patient.

422
00:27:53,133 --> 00:27:55,383
And maybe check
the room for needles.

423
00:27:55,466 --> 00:27:58,092
And then when he
sometimes does come out,

424
00:27:58,175 --> 00:28:00,300
it's obvious
he's been crying.

425
00:28:09,508 --> 00:28:13,092
It's just such
a ridiculous waste.

426
00:28:13,591 --> 00:28:16,466
And now if it's going to ruin
Sam's life as well...

427
00:28:17,841 --> 00:28:19,424
I just don't know.

428
00:28:21,133 --> 00:28:25,258
Get a grip.
People hate sissies.

429
00:28:25,633 --> 00:28:28,508
No one's ever gonna shag you
if you cry all the time.

430
00:28:29,133 --> 00:28:31,925
Yeah. Absolutely.

431
00:28:32,092 --> 00:28:34,092
Helpful.

432
00:28:41,841 --> 00:28:45,883
So, what's the problem,
Samuel?

433
00:28:47,383 --> 00:28:52,050
Is it just Mom or
is it something else?

434
00:28:53,841 --> 00:28:55,925
Maybe school?

435
00:28:56,967 --> 00:28:58,841
Are you being bullied?

436
00:29:00,424 --> 00:29:02,549
Or is it something worse?

437
00:29:04,424 --> 00:29:06,633
Can you give me
any clues at all?

438
00:29:08,133 --> 00:29:10,258
You really want to know?

439
00:29:10,341 --> 00:29:11,591
I really want to know.

440
00:29:11,675 --> 00:29:14,217
Even though you won't be
able to do anything to help?

441
00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:16,591
Even if that's the case,
yeah.

442
00:29:18,549 --> 00:29:21,133
Okay. Well...

443
00:29:22,341 --> 00:29:24,800
Truth is, actually,

444
00:29:26,050 --> 00:29:27,341
I'm in love.

445
00:29:28,050 --> 00:29:29,549
Sorry?

446
00:29:29,758 --> 00:29:32,508
I know I should be thinking
about Mom all the time and I am,

447
00:29:32,591 --> 00:29:34,217
but the truth is I'm in love.

448
00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:36,841
I was before she died, and
there's nothing I can do about it.

449
00:29:38,591 --> 00:29:41,758
Aren't you a bit
young to be in love?

450
00:29:41,841 --> 00:29:42,883
No.

451
00:29:42,967 --> 00:29:45,675
Well, okay, well...

452
00:29:47,424 --> 00:29:50,092
I mean,
I'm a little relieved.

453
00:29:51,217 --> 00:29:53,175
- Why?
- Because I...

454
00:29:53,258 --> 00:29:55,466
thought it would
be something worse.

455
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,675
Worse than the total
agony of being in love?

456
00:30:01,549 --> 00:30:05,258
No, you're right.
Total agony.

457
00:30:43,424 --> 00:30:44,508
Night, Sarah.

458
00:30:44,591 --> 00:30:45,800
Night, Karl.

459
00:30:55,466 --> 00:30:57,466
Yeah, absolutely.

460
00:30:58,967 --> 00:31:00,633
Free as a bird. Fire away.

461
00:31:32,591 --> 00:31:34,424
Alone again.

462
00:31:35,841 --> 00:31:37,008
Naturally.

463
00:31:37,675 --> 00:31:39,050
I'll deal with it.

464
00:31:39,133 --> 00:31:40,300
All right.

465
00:31:41,925 --> 00:31:43,841
- Natalie.
- Sir.

466
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,383
Thanks. Natalie.

467
00:31:52,549 --> 00:31:55,175
I'm starting to feel

468
00:31:56,967 --> 00:32:00,300
uncomfortable about us working
in such close proximity every day

469
00:32:00,383 --> 00:32:01,716
and me knowing so
little about you.

470
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,008
It seems...
It seems elitist and wrong.

471
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:07,424
Well, there's not
much to know.

472
00:32:07,633 --> 00:32:11,008
Well, where do you live,
for instance?

473
00:32:11,300 --> 00:32:13,383
Wandsworth. The dodgy end.

474
00:32:13,883 --> 00:32:17,133
My sister lives in Wandsworth.

475
00:32:18,258 --> 00:32:20,466
So which exactly
is the dodgy end?

476
00:32:20,883 --> 00:32:22,300
Right at the end
of the High Street,

477
00:32:22,383 --> 00:32:24,633
Harris Street,
near the Queen's Head.

478
00:32:24,716 --> 00:32:26,758
Yeah, yeah, that is dodgy.

479
00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:31,675
And you live with your
husband? Boyfriend?

480
00:32:32,716 --> 00:32:34,549
Three illegitimate
but charming children?

481
00:32:34,633 --> 00:32:35,675
No.

482
00:32:35,758 --> 00:32:37,341
I've just split up with
my boyfriend, actually,

483
00:32:37,424 --> 00:32:40,217
so I'm back with my
mom and dad for a while.

484
00:32:41,925 --> 00:32:43,300
Sorry.

485
00:32:43,383 --> 00:32:44,967
No, it's fine.

486
00:32:45,050 --> 00:32:48,967
I'm well shot of him.
He said I was getting fat.

487
00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:50,217
I beg your pardon?

488
00:32:50,300 --> 00:32:54,300
He said no one's gonna fancy a girl
with thighs the size of big tree trunks.

489
00:32:54,383 --> 00:32:56,883
Not a nice guy, actually,
in the end.

490
00:32:58,466 --> 00:33:00,466
No.

491
00:33:07,633 --> 00:33:09,758
You know,

492
00:33:10,549 --> 00:33:13,383
being prime minister,
I could just have him murdered.

493
00:33:14,633 --> 00:33:17,008
Thank you, sir.
I'll think about it.

494
00:33:17,508 --> 00:33:21,175
Do. The SAS are
absolutely charming.

495
00:33:21,258 --> 00:33:25,092
Ruthless, trained killers
are just a phone call away.

496
00:33:30,841 --> 00:33:32,841
Oh, God.

497
00:33:35,508 --> 00:33:37,633
Did you have this kind
of problem?

498
00:33:40,217 --> 00:33:42,466
Yeah, course you did,
you saucy minx.

499
00:33:42,967 --> 00:33:46,258
So, let's go.
We can definitely crack this.

500
00:33:46,466 --> 00:33:48,800
Remember,
I was a kid once too.

501
00:33:49,217 --> 00:33:53,383
So, come on, it's someone
at school. Right?

502
00:33:53,466 --> 00:33:55,092
- Yeah.
- Good, good.

503
00:33:55,175 --> 00:33:58,466
And what does she, he,
feel about you?

504
00:33:58,549 --> 00:34:01,341
She doesn't even know my name.

505
00:34:01,508 --> 00:34:04,008
And even if she did,
she'd despise me.

506
00:34:04,424 --> 00:34:06,424
She's the coolest girl
in school,

507
00:34:06,633 --> 00:34:09,508
and everyone worships her
because she's heaven.

508
00:34:11,008 --> 00:34:13,466
Good. Good.

509
00:34:14,633 --> 00:34:19,591
Well, basically
you're fucked, aren't you?

510
00:34:25,675 --> 00:34:28,258
Hi there, and welcome back.

511
00:34:28,341 --> 00:34:30,383
So, Billy, three weeks
till Christmas,

512
00:34:30,466 --> 00:34:32,716
looks like the real
competition is gonna be Blue.

513
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,341
Yeah, I saw them on
the show last week.

514
00:34:35,424 --> 00:34:37,175
They weren't very nice
about my record.

515
00:34:37,258 --> 00:34:38,716
No. Little scamps.

516
00:34:39,925 --> 00:34:43,217
But very, very
talented musicians.

517
00:34:43,883 --> 00:34:47,341
Yeah. Billy, I understand you've got
a prize for our competition winners.

518
00:34:47,424 --> 00:34:52,967
Yes, I have, Ant or Dec.
It's a personalized felt-tip pen.

519
00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:54,633
Great.

520
00:34:54,716 --> 00:34:58,549
It's brilliant.
It even writes on glass,

521
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,008
so if you've got
a framed picture,

522
00:35:01,092 --> 00:35:03,383
like, for instance,
this one of Blue,

523
00:35:03,466 --> 00:35:05,466
you can just write on it.

524
00:35:19,341 --> 00:35:21,716
A lot of kids
watching, Billy.

525
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,008
Yeah.

526
00:35:23,549 --> 00:35:26,217
Hiya, kids.

527
00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:29,383
Here's an important message
from your Uncle Bill.

528
00:35:29,591 --> 00:35:31,675
Don't buy drugs.

529
00:35:34,050 --> 00:35:36,716
Become a pop star
and they give you them for free.

530
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,466
And I do believe
it's a commercial break.

531
00:35:39,549 --> 00:35:41,841
Thank goodness.
We'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

532
00:35:54,591 --> 00:35:56,133
Look at him!

533
00:35:56,217 --> 00:35:58,092
Just a minute.

534
00:35:58,175 --> 00:36:00,633
Actually, they're not
funny. They're art.

535
00:36:05,258 --> 00:36:07,633
Okay, let's say
Thursday, my place.

536
00:36:08,050 --> 00:36:10,258
Great. But for now
I've got Juliet on the other line.

537
00:36:10,341 --> 00:36:12,633
Can I patch you through?
She wants to ask you a favor.

538
00:36:12,716 --> 00:36:14,300
Okay, fine.

539
00:36:14,383 --> 00:36:17,300
Thanks and be nice.

540
00:36:17,383 --> 00:36:18,925
I'm always nice.

541
00:36:19,008 --> 00:36:22,383
You know what I mean,
Marky, be friendly.

542
00:36:22,466 --> 00:36:24,549
- I'm always...
- Mark?

543
00:36:25,133 --> 00:36:27,841
Hi.
How was the honeymoon?

544
00:36:28,175 --> 00:36:30,967
It was great. And thanks
for the gorgeous sendoff.

545
00:36:31,341 --> 00:36:32,424
So, what can I do for you?

546
00:36:32,508 --> 00:36:34,175
It's only a tiny favor.

547
00:36:34,258 --> 00:36:37,341
I've just tried the wedding video,
and it's a complete disaster.

548
00:36:37,424 --> 00:36:39,300
It's come out
all blue and wibbly.

549
00:36:39,383 --> 00:36:40,383
I'm sorry.

550
00:36:40,466 --> 00:36:42,549
I remember you
filming a lot in the day

551
00:36:42,633 --> 00:36:44,383
and I just wondered if
I could look at your stuff.

552
00:36:44,466 --> 00:36:46,383
No, look, to be honest,
I didn't really...

553
00:36:46,466 --> 00:36:49,716
Please. All I want is just one shot
of me in a wedding dress

554
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,591
that isn't bright turquoise.

555
00:36:51,925 --> 00:36:54,508
Okay, I'll have a look, but to be honest,
I'm pretty sure I wiped it,

556
00:36:54,591 --> 00:36:56,341
so don't get any hopes up.

557
00:36:56,424 --> 00:36:57,758
Must go.

558
00:37:04,008 --> 00:37:06,466
Any progress with
our matchmaking plans?

559
00:37:06,549 --> 00:37:10,591
No. I've done fuck-all and never
will because he's too good for me.

560
00:37:10,675 --> 00:37:12,675
How true.

561
00:37:14,633 --> 00:37:16,175
Stop.

562
00:37:16,258 --> 00:37:18,424
And, of course,
your mobile goes.

563
00:37:19,591 --> 00:37:22,383
Hello. Hi. How you doing?

564
00:37:23,383 --> 00:37:25,175
So, how's the
Christmas party going?

565
00:37:25,258 --> 00:37:26,341
Good.

566
00:37:26,424 --> 00:37:28,466
Think I've found a venue.
Friend of mine works there.

567
00:37:28,549 --> 00:37:30,466
What's it like?

568
00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:31,800
Good. Good.

569
00:37:32,133 --> 00:37:37,092
It's an art gallery. Full of dark
corners for doing dark deeds.

570
00:37:40,633 --> 00:37:41,716
Right.

571
00:37:42,883 --> 00:37:45,217
Good. Well,
I suppose I should

572
00:37:45,300 --> 00:37:47,217
take a look at it
or something.

573
00:37:47,466 --> 00:37:49,508
You should.

574
00:38:10,466 --> 00:38:14,341
Welcome back. And this year
you bring a lady guest?

575
00:38:14,424 --> 00:38:17,508
No. There's a change
of situation. Just me.

576
00:38:17,883 --> 00:38:20,175
Am I sad or not sad?

577
00:38:20,258 --> 00:38:21,883
I think you're not surprised.

578
00:38:21,967 --> 00:38:23,800
And you stay here
till Christmas?

579
00:38:23,883 --> 00:38:24,925
Yeah, yeah.

580
00:38:25,008 --> 00:38:30,008
Good. Well, I find you
a perfect lady to clean the house.

581
00:38:30,466 --> 00:38:32,675
This is Aurelia.

582
00:38:45,050 --> 00:38:49,217
Unfortunately, she cannot
speak French, just like you.

583
00:38:49,466 --> 00:38:51,466
She's Portuguese.

584
00:39:00,050 --> 00:39:02,508
I think she's 10 years
too young to remember

585
00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:04,841
there was a footballer
called Eusebio.

586
00:39:04,925 --> 00:39:07,217
And molto bueno is Spanish.

587
00:39:07,424 --> 00:39:08,841
Right. Right.

588
00:39:09,008 --> 00:39:11,675
Anyway, it's nice
to meet you and...

589
00:39:12,466 --> 00:39:14,424
Perhaps you can drive her home
at the end of her work?

590
00:39:14,508 --> 00:39:15,549
Absolutely, yes.

591
00:39:18,549 --> 00:39:20,466
Which is what? Turkish?

592
00:39:42,675 --> 00:39:45,383
No, right.
Silence is golden.

593
00:39:47,549 --> 00:39:49,424
As the Tremeloes said.

594
00:39:51,549 --> 00:39:54,341
Clever guys, although I think
the original version

595
00:39:54,424 --> 00:39:58,383
was by Frankie Valli
and the Four Seasons.

596
00:39:58,549 --> 00:40:00,508
Great band.

597
00:40:03,133 --> 00:40:04,383
Shut up.

598
00:40:16,217 --> 00:40:17,883
Mr. President!

599
00:40:19,466 --> 00:40:20,466
Over here, sir!

600
00:40:20,549 --> 00:40:22,466
What will you be
talking about?

601
00:40:25,175 --> 00:40:26,424
Mr. President, welcome.

602
00:40:26,508 --> 00:40:27,800
It's a pleasure to meet you.

603
00:40:27,883 --> 00:40:29,175
Come on through.

604
00:40:29,258 --> 00:40:30,508
I'm sorry your wife couldn't
make it, by the way.

605
00:40:30,591 --> 00:40:34,092
So is she. Although she would have
been kind of lonely, I'm sure.

606
00:40:34,175 --> 00:40:38,591
Yes. Pathetic, isn't it?
Just never been able to tie a girl down.

607
00:40:39,092 --> 00:40:41,341
Not sure that politics and
dating really go together.

608
00:40:41,424 --> 00:40:44,508
Really?
I've never found that.

609
00:40:44,591 --> 00:40:46,341
Yeah, well, the difference is
you're still sickeningly handsome,

610
00:40:46,424 --> 00:40:49,341
whereas I look increasingly
like my Aunt Mildred.

611
00:40:49,508 --> 00:40:51,217
Very jealous of your plane,
by the way.

612
00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:54,050
Thank you. We love that
thing, I'll tell you.

613
00:40:54,133 --> 00:40:56,008
Natalie. Hi.

614
00:40:56,092 --> 00:40:58,508
Morning, ma'am.
How's your day so far?

615
00:41:00,383 --> 00:41:01,800
Excellent.

616
00:41:05,050 --> 00:41:07,925
My goodness, that's a pretty little
son of a bitch, right there.

617
00:41:08,008 --> 00:41:09,967
Did you see those pipes?

618
00:41:10,300 --> 00:41:13,549
Yeah, yeah,
she's terrific at her job.

619
00:41:13,883 --> 00:41:18,300
No, absolutely not. We cannot
and will not consult on that either.

620
00:41:18,383 --> 00:41:20,175
That is unexpected.

621
00:41:20,383 --> 00:41:22,508
Well, it shouldn't be.

622
00:41:22,591 --> 00:41:25,633
The last administration
made it perfectly clear.

623
00:41:26,133 --> 00:41:28,341
We're just being consistent
with their policies.

624
00:41:28,424 --> 00:41:31,258
Well, with all respect, sir,
they were bad policies.

625
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,217
All right, thanks, Alex.

626
00:41:33,300 --> 00:41:38,925
I don't think we're making progress here.
Let's move on, shall we?

627
00:41:41,383 --> 00:41:44,883
Well, now, that was
an interesting day.

628
00:41:46,591 --> 00:41:48,300
Sorry if our line was firm,

629
00:41:48,383 --> 00:41:50,383
but there's no point in
tiptoeing around today,

630
00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:53,092
then just disappointing you
for four years.

631
00:41:53,424 --> 00:41:56,466
I mean, I have plans
and I plan to see them through.

632
00:41:56,549 --> 00:41:59,466
Absolutely. Now, there is one final thing
I think we should look at.

633
00:41:59,549 --> 00:42:02,383
It's very close to my heart.
Just give me a second.

634
00:42:02,675 --> 00:42:05,175
I'll give you anything
you ask for.

635
00:42:05,508 --> 00:42:08,508
As long as it's not something
I don't wanna give.

636
00:42:13,591 --> 00:42:15,175
Hi.

637
00:42:15,258 --> 00:42:17,258
Pathetic.

638
00:42:38,341 --> 00:42:39,591
It's great Scotch.

639
00:42:41,466 --> 00:42:44,341
I'll...
I'll be going then.

640
00:42:46,758 --> 00:42:48,591
Natalie,

641
00:42:49,050 --> 00:42:52,133
I hope to see much more of you
as our two great countries

642
00:42:52,217 --> 00:42:53,967
work toward
a better future.

643
00:42:54,508 --> 00:42:55,883
Thank you, sir.

644
00:43:13,258 --> 00:43:14,925
Yes, Peter.

645
00:43:15,008 --> 00:43:17,466
Mr. President,
has it been a good visit?

646
00:43:17,675 --> 00:43:20,508
Very satisfactory indeed.

647
00:43:20,591 --> 00:43:22,883
We got what we came for,

648
00:43:23,549 --> 00:43:26,633
and our special relationship
is still very special.

649
00:43:26,716 --> 00:43:29,133
And, Prime Minister?

650
00:43:29,633 --> 00:43:31,466
I love that word
relationship.

651
00:43:31,549 --> 00:43:33,883
Covers all manner of sins,
doesn't it?

652
00:43:34,341 --> 00:43:37,883
I fear that this has become
a bad relationship,

653
00:43:38,967 --> 00:43:42,883
a relationship based on the President
taking exactly what he wants

654
00:43:43,217 --> 00:43:48,050
and casually ignoring all those things
that really matter to

655
00:43:51,050 --> 00:43:52,967
Britain.

656
00:43:53,050 --> 00:43:57,008
We may be a small country,
but we're a great one too.

657
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,466
The country of Shakespeare,
Churchill, The Beatles,

658
00:44:00,549 --> 00:44:02,424
Sean Connery, Harry Potter.

659
00:44:03,841 --> 00:44:09,341
David Beckham's right foot.
David Beckham's left foot, come to that.

660
00:44:09,633 --> 00:44:13,508
And a friend who bullies us
is no longer a friend.

661
00:44:13,591 --> 00:44:16,883
And since bullies only respond to
strength, from now onward,

662
00:44:17,508 --> 00:44:20,549
I will be prepared
to be much stronger.

663
00:44:20,633 --> 00:44:22,716
And the President
should be prepared for that.

664
00:44:33,883 --> 00:44:35,883
Mr. President!

665
00:44:40,549 --> 00:44:41,549
Joe.

666
00:44:42,383 --> 00:44:44,549
It's your sister on line four.

667
00:44:45,883 --> 00:44:47,258
All right.

668
00:44:47,925 --> 00:44:50,424
Yes, I'm very busy and important.
How can I help you?

669
00:44:50,508 --> 00:44:52,549
Have you gone
completely insane?

670
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:54,424
You can't be sensible
all the time.

671
00:44:54,508 --> 00:44:56,217
You can if you're
prime minister.

672
00:44:56,300 --> 00:44:58,508
Oh, dear, it's the Chancellor of
the Exchequer on the other line.

673
00:44:58,591 --> 00:44:59,591
- No, it isn't!
- I'll call you back.

674
00:44:59,675 --> 00:45:01,008
No, you won't!

675
00:45:04,050 --> 00:45:05,967
The trouble with being
the prime minister's sister is

676
00:45:06,050 --> 00:45:09,175
it does put your life into
rather harsh perspective.

677
00:45:09,967 --> 00:45:13,175
What did my brother do today?
He stood up and fought for his country.

678
00:45:13,258 --> 00:45:17,383
And what did I do? I made
a papier-mâché lobster head.

679
00:45:17,675 --> 00:45:20,341
What is this
we're listening to?

680
00:45:20,549 --> 00:45:22,466
Joni Mitchell.

681
00:45:22,716 --> 00:45:25,424
I can't believe you still listen
to Joni Mitchell.

682
00:45:25,841 --> 00:45:29,300
I love her and true
love lasts a lifetime.

683
00:45:30,675 --> 00:45:32,383
Joni Mitchell is
the woman who taught

684
00:45:32,466 --> 00:45:35,549
your cold English wife
how to feel.

685
00:45:35,633 --> 00:45:36,716
Did she?
Well, that's good.

686
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,466
I must write to her
sometime and say thanks.

687
00:45:41,508 --> 00:45:43,675
Now, which doll should we give
Daisy's little friend Emily?

688
00:45:43,758 --> 00:45:45,508
The one that looks
like a transvestite

689
00:45:45,591 --> 00:45:47,800
or the one that looks
like a dominatrix?

690
00:45:49,341 --> 00:45:52,383
It's almost enough to
make you feel patriotic,

691
00:45:52,466 --> 00:45:54,591
so here's one for our
ass-kicking prime minister.

692
00:45:54,675 --> 00:45:56,217
I think he'll enjoy this.

693
00:45:56,300 --> 00:45:58,841
A golden oldie
for a golden oldie.

694
00:46:48,841 --> 00:46:50,633
Yeah...

695
00:46:51,050 --> 00:46:52,675
Mary, I've been thinking,

696
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:56,175
can we move the Japanese
ambassador to 4:00 tomorrow?

697
00:46:56,258 --> 00:46:57,300
Certainly, sir.

698
00:46:57,383 --> 00:46:59,300
Terrific.
Thanks so much.

699
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:09,424
Would you like the last...

700
00:47:14,175 --> 00:47:16,175
That's all right,
more for me.

701
00:47:20,092 --> 00:47:22,549
I'm very lucky I've got
one of those constitutions

702
00:47:22,633 --> 00:47:24,341
where I never put on weight.

703
00:47:26,967 --> 00:47:28,175
Hello.

704
00:47:37,424 --> 00:47:39,800
Sorry.

705
00:47:43,424 --> 00:47:45,008
Hello?

706
00:48:01,008 --> 00:48:02,424
Thank you.

707
00:48:04,508 --> 00:48:06,300
No. Hold on.

708
00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:09,217
God, it's half the book.
No.

709
00:48:09,341 --> 00:48:12,466
Just leave them, please!
They're not important.

710
00:48:12,716 --> 00:48:15,508
They're not worth it!

711
00:48:15,675 --> 00:48:17,800
Stop! Stop.

712
00:48:22,383 --> 00:48:24,508
It's all just rubbish.

713
00:48:26,341 --> 00:48:28,424
Just leave it.

714
00:48:40,466 --> 00:48:42,092
God, she's in.

715
00:48:43,675 --> 00:48:47,383
Right. And now she'll think
I'm a total spaz if I don't go in too.

716
00:48:54,424 --> 00:48:56,424
Fuck, it's freezing! Fuck!

717
00:49:00,925 --> 00:49:03,591
It's not worth it.
This isn't bloody Shakespeare.

718
00:49:08,549 --> 00:49:09,758
Just stop. Stop.

719
00:49:13,175 --> 00:49:14,800
I really must do copies.

720
00:49:16,300 --> 00:49:18,466
There'd better not be eels in here.
I can't stand eels.

721
00:49:21,424 --> 00:49:23,591
Oh, God,
what the hell is that?

722
00:49:33,549 --> 00:49:35,800
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

723
00:49:40,424 --> 00:49:43,466
I know. I'll name one of
the characters after you.

724
00:49:51,424 --> 00:49:54,508
Or I could give you
5% of the profits.

725
00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:13,217
Yes. It's...

726
00:50:18,967 --> 00:50:21,549
Crime. Crime, murder.

727
00:50:24,591 --> 00:50:27,424
Scary? Yes,
sometimes scary.

728
00:50:27,508 --> 00:50:32,008
And sometimes not.
Mainly scary how bad the writing is.

729
00:50:53,008 --> 00:50:54,175
Sure.

730
00:50:58,424 --> 00:51:01,508
It's my favorite time of day,

731
00:51:01,633 --> 00:51:03,633
driving you.

732
00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:17,758
Sorry.

733
00:51:45,508 --> 00:51:48,591
And coming up later this morning,
it's this guy...

734
00:51:54,466 --> 00:51:56,675
The bad granddad
of rock and roll,

735
00:51:56,758 --> 00:51:59,508
here at 10:30.
Do not switch off.

736
00:52:05,925 --> 00:52:07,300
Banoffee pie?

737
00:52:07,383 --> 00:52:09,300
No, thanks.

738
00:52:09,383 --> 00:52:12,716
Thank God. You would've broken
my heart if you'd said yes.

739
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:16,133
Right, well, lucky you.

740
00:52:16,591 --> 00:52:18,341
Can I come in?

741
00:52:18,424 --> 00:52:20,383
Yeah, well,
I'm a bit busy...

742
00:52:20,466 --> 00:52:22,466
Well, I was just passing,
and I thought

743
00:52:22,549 --> 00:52:24,925
we might check
that video thing out.

744
00:52:25,341 --> 00:52:28,050
I thought I might be able to
swap it for some pie

745
00:52:28,133 --> 00:52:30,508
or maybe Munchies?

746
00:52:30,591 --> 00:52:33,050
Actually, I was being serious.
I don't know where it is.

747
00:52:33,133 --> 00:52:35,341
I'll have a poke
around tonight then...

748
00:52:35,424 --> 00:52:38,175
Mark, can I say something?

749
00:52:38,258 --> 00:52:40,258
Yeah.

750
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:43,466
I know you're Peter's
best friend,

751
00:52:43,925 --> 00:52:48,841
and I know you've never
particularly warmed to me.

752
00:52:49,092 --> 00:52:51,008
No, don't argue.

753
00:52:51,967 --> 00:52:54,258
We've never got friendly.

754
00:52:54,591 --> 00:52:56,883
But I just wanted to say,
I hope that can change.

755
00:52:56,967 --> 00:52:58,800
I'm nice. I really am.

756
00:52:58,883 --> 00:53:01,383
Apart from my terrible
taste in pie and...

757
00:53:02,508 --> 00:53:05,008
It would be great
if we could be friends.

758
00:53:05,633 --> 00:53:07,633
Absolutely. Absolutely.

759
00:53:11,591 --> 00:53:12,591
Great.

760
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:16,675
Doesn't mean we'll be able
to find the video though.

761
00:53:16,758 --> 00:53:18,716
I had a real search
when you first called

762
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,424
and couldn't find
any trace of it so...

763
00:53:20,508 --> 00:53:23,633
Well, there's one here that says,
Peter and Juliet's Wedding.

764
00:53:23,716 --> 00:53:25,967
Do you think we might
be on the right track?

765
00:53:26,050 --> 00:53:30,591
Yeah, well...
Wow. That could be it.

766
00:53:30,967 --> 00:53:32,050
Do you mind if I just...

767
00:53:32,133 --> 00:53:33,133
I've probably
taped over it.

768
00:53:33,217 --> 00:53:36,300
Almost everything has episodes
of West Wing on it and...

769
00:53:41,424 --> 00:53:43,466
Oh, bingo.

770
00:53:45,217 --> 00:53:47,466
That's lovely.

771
00:53:47,549 --> 00:53:49,383
Well done, you.

772
00:53:50,925 --> 00:53:53,092
That's gorgeous.

773
00:53:54,591 --> 00:53:58,549
Thank you so much, Mark.
This is exactly what I was hoping for.

774
00:54:05,591 --> 00:54:07,800
I look quite pretty.

775
00:54:14,675 --> 00:54:16,341
You've stayed rather close,
haven't you?

776
00:55:11,549 --> 00:55:12,800
They're all of me.

777
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,716
Yeah. Yeah.

778
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,800
Yes.

779
00:55:53,300 --> 00:55:55,217
But...

780
00:55:56,217 --> 00:55:58,341
you never talk to me.

781
00:56:00,591 --> 00:56:02,591
You always talk to Peter.

782
00:56:05,549 --> 00:56:07,424
You don't like me.

783
00:56:08,841 --> 00:56:10,800
I hope it's useful.

784
00:56:10,967 --> 00:56:13,883
Don't show it
around too much.

785
00:56:14,008 --> 00:56:17,050
Needs a bit of editing.

786
00:56:17,258 --> 00:56:20,758
Look, I've got to
get to a lunch.

787
00:56:21,050 --> 00:56:22,883
Early lunch.

788
00:56:23,133 --> 00:56:25,967
You can just show
yourself out, can't you?

789
00:56:31,591 --> 00:56:35,800
It's a self-preservation
thing, you see.

790
00:57:35,424 --> 00:57:36,591
Yeah.

791
00:57:39,633 --> 00:57:42,508
Annie, my darling,
my dream, my boat.

792
00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:47,633
Need you to do
a favor for me.

793
00:57:47,716 --> 00:57:50,841
Of course. Anything for the
hero of the hour.

794
00:57:52,466 --> 00:57:55,549
Don't ask me why, and for heaven's sake,
don't read stuff into this,

795
00:57:55,633 --> 00:57:57,967
it's just a weird
personality thing.

796
00:57:58,217 --> 00:58:01,133
But you know Natalie
who works here?

797
00:58:01,841 --> 00:58:03,841
The chubby girl?

798
00:58:03,925 --> 00:58:05,925
Would we call her chubby?

799
00:58:06,217 --> 00:58:09,175
I think there's a pretty
sizeable ass there, yes, sir.

800
00:58:09,549 --> 00:58:10,925
Huge thighs.

801
00:58:11,675 --> 00:58:14,591
Yeah. Well, whatever.

802
00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:19,633
I'm sure she's a lovely girl,
but I wonder if you could

803
00:58:22,466 --> 00:58:24,050
redistribute her?

804
00:58:25,549 --> 00:58:27,549
It's done.

805
00:59:02,591 --> 00:59:04,424
Hey, Sammo. Can't sleep?

806
00:59:05,508 --> 00:59:07,508
I got some
terrible news today.

807
00:59:07,591 --> 00:59:09,466
Let's have it.

808
00:59:09,716 --> 00:59:11,466
Joanna's going
back to America.

809
00:59:11,549 --> 00:59:12,800
Your girl's American?

810
00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,217
Yes, she's American.

811
00:59:15,300 --> 00:59:17,549
And she's not my girl.

812
00:59:17,633 --> 00:59:19,508
And she's going back
to America.

813
00:59:19,591 --> 00:59:21,549
That's the end of
my life as I know it.

814
00:59:21,633 --> 00:59:23,967
That is bad news.

815
00:59:26,217 --> 00:59:28,424
Well, we need Kate

816
00:59:28,508 --> 00:59:31,549
and we need Leo,
and we need them now.

817
00:59:32,383 --> 00:59:33,466
Come on.

818
00:59:37,591 --> 00:59:39,841
Hold on. Hold on.

819
00:59:40,133 --> 00:59:42,466
Keep your eyes closed.

820
00:59:42,549 --> 00:59:44,258
Do you trust me?

821
00:59:44,341 --> 00:59:46,300
I trust you.

822
00:59:47,424 --> 00:59:48,758
Do you trust me?

823
00:59:48,841 --> 00:59:50,133
I trust you.

824
00:59:50,217 --> 00:59:51,383
Fool!

825
00:59:51,466 --> 00:59:53,258
Get off, you big bully.

826
00:59:55,341 --> 00:59:58,341
All right, open your eyes.

827
01:00:01,967 --> 01:00:05,424
You know, Sammy, I'm sure
she's unique and extraordinary,

828
01:00:06,424 --> 01:00:08,341
but general wisdom
is that in the end,

829
01:00:08,424 --> 01:00:10,800
there isn't just one
person for each of us.

830
01:00:12,967 --> 01:00:14,925
There was
for Kate and Leo.

831
01:00:15,508 --> 01:00:17,716
There was for you.

832
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:19,633
And there is for me.

833
01:00:19,758 --> 01:00:21,675
She's the one.

834
01:00:23,549 --> 01:00:26,300
Fair enough.
And her name's Joanna?

835
01:00:27,050 --> 01:00:30,133
Yeah, I know. Same as Mom.

836
01:00:40,591 --> 01:00:41,716
Yeah.

837
01:00:46,133 --> 01:00:47,633
Prime Minister.

838
01:00:47,716 --> 01:00:49,341
Thank you very much.

839
01:01:40,591 --> 01:01:43,175
Well, goodbye.

840
01:01:49,383 --> 01:01:50,466
It was...

841
01:03:04,050 --> 01:03:08,092
<i>You know I love Christmas,
I always will</i>

842
01:03:09,383 --> 01:03:13,800
<i>My mind's made up,
the way that I feel</i>

843
01:03:15,258 --> 01:03:19,383
<i>There's no beginning,
there'll be no end</i>

844
01:03:31,466 --> 01:03:33,466
Daniel!

845
01:03:34,549 --> 01:03:35,883
I have a plan.

846
01:03:35,967 --> 01:03:38,466
Thank the Lord! Tell me.

847
01:03:38,841 --> 01:03:42,300
Well, girls love
musicians, don't they?

848
01:03:42,383 --> 01:03:44,716
- Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
- That's right.

849
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:46,967
Meat Loaf definitely
got laid at least once.

850
01:03:47,050 --> 01:03:50,092
For God's sake, Ringo Starr
married a Bond girl.

851
01:03:51,508 --> 01:03:55,424
Whatever. There's this big concert
at the end of term and Joanna's in it.

852
01:03:55,591 --> 01:03:59,133
And I thought maybe if I was in the band
and played absolutely superbly,

853
01:03:59,217 --> 01:04:01,341
there's a chance that she might
actually fall in love with me.

854
01:04:01,424 --> 01:04:02,466
What do you think?

855
01:04:02,549 --> 01:04:05,258
I think it's brilliant.
I think it's stellar.

856
01:04:05,341 --> 01:04:09,050
Apart from the one obvious tiny,
little, baby, little hiccup.

857
01:04:09,591 --> 01:04:11,383
I don't play
a musical instrument?

858
01:04:11,466 --> 01:04:12,549
Yes, sir.

859
01:04:13,549 --> 01:04:15,549
A tiny, insignificant detail.

860
01:04:53,341 --> 01:04:55,675
I suppose I'd better go and
do the duty round.

861
01:04:55,758 --> 01:04:57,758
You're a saint.

862
01:05:05,008 --> 01:05:07,591
Any chance of a dance
with the boss?

863
01:05:08,591 --> 01:05:10,800
Yeah, sure, sure.

864
01:05:11,175 --> 01:05:13,549
As long as your boyfriend
doesn't mind.

865
01:05:16,341 --> 01:05:18,258
Not my boyfriend.

866
01:05:33,383 --> 01:05:35,591
You're looking
very pretty tonight.

867
01:05:37,383 --> 01:05:39,383
It's for you.

868
01:05:41,175 --> 01:05:43,175
Sorry?

869
01:05:45,549 --> 01:05:47,675
It's all for you, sir.

870
01:06:10,424 --> 01:06:12,675
This must be a very
exciting moment for you,

871
01:06:12,758 --> 01:06:14,841
fighting for the
Christmas number one.

872
01:06:14,925 --> 01:06:16,341
How's it looking so far?

873
01:06:16,424 --> 01:06:17,883
Very bad indeed.

874
01:06:18,508 --> 01:06:21,341
Blue are outselling me
five-to-one,

875
01:06:21,424 --> 01:06:23,633
but I'm hoping
for a late surge.

876
01:06:25,008 --> 01:06:27,424
And, if I reach number one,

877
01:06:27,508 --> 01:06:33,424
I promise to sing a song
stark naked on TV on Christmas Eve.

878
01:06:34,591 --> 01:06:35,716
Do you mean that?

879
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:37,050
Well, of course
I mean it, Michael.

880
01:06:37,133 --> 01:06:39,675
Do you want a preview?
You old flirt.

881
01:06:44,092 --> 01:06:45,758
That'll never
make number one.

882
01:06:52,466 --> 01:06:56,133
I suppose it's his job
to dance with everyone, isn't it?

883
01:06:56,383 --> 01:06:58,508
Some more than others.

884
01:07:01,967 --> 01:07:03,800
Just one dance?

885
01:07:03,883 --> 01:07:05,508
Before we run
out of chances.

886
01:07:05,591 --> 01:07:07,341
Who, me?

887
01:07:07,424 --> 01:07:09,092
Unless you just...

888
01:07:09,175 --> 01:07:11,300
No! No! Good.

889
01:07:11,383 --> 01:07:13,466
Yes. Thanks.

890
01:08:42,758 --> 01:08:44,841
Well, then.
I'd better go.

891
01:08:45,008 --> 01:08:47,008
Okay.

892
01:08:48,466 --> 01:08:50,633
- Good night.
- Good night.

893
01:09:07,716 --> 01:09:09,675
Actually,

894
01:09:09,758 --> 01:09:11,967
- I don't have to go.
- Right. Good.

895
01:09:12,175 --> 01:09:14,300
- I mean...
- No, that's good.

896
01:09:15,466 --> 01:09:18,841
Just... Would you excuse me
for one second?

897
01:09:19,008 --> 01:09:21,383
- Sure.
- Just one second.

898
01:09:29,217 --> 01:09:31,758
Okay, that's done.

899
01:09:34,300 --> 01:09:37,633
Why don't you come upstairs
in about 10 seconds?

900
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:40,008
- Ten seconds.
- Ten seconds.

901
01:10:40,508 --> 01:10:41,800
Just tug it.

902
01:10:41,883 --> 01:10:43,008
Okay.

903
01:11:04,549 --> 01:11:06,050
You're beautiful.

904
01:11:30,383 --> 01:11:32,591
I'd better answer that.

905
01:11:37,092 --> 01:11:40,092
Hello. Hi.
Hello, darling.

906
01:11:40,175 --> 01:11:43,050
No, no, I'm not busy.
No, fire away.

907
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:45,800
Right.

908
01:11:46,424 --> 01:11:50,258
Yes, I... I'm not quite sure
it's gonna be possible

909
01:11:50,341 --> 01:11:52,758
to get the Pope on
the phone tonight but...

910
01:11:54,175 --> 01:11:59,549
Yes. Yes, I'm sure
he's very good at exorcism but...

911
01:12:03,050 --> 01:12:05,383
Well, I'm sure

912
01:12:05,633 --> 01:12:09,300
Jon Bon Jovi is as well,
and I'll definitely look into it.

913
01:12:09,466 --> 01:12:13,092
Okay? Okay,
I'll talk to you later.

914
01:12:13,258 --> 01:12:15,258
All right, bye-bye.

915
01:12:20,466 --> 01:12:22,424
Sorry about that.

916
01:12:22,508 --> 01:12:24,424
No, it's fine.

917
01:12:24,591 --> 01:12:27,466
It's my brother.
He's not well. He calls a lot.

918
01:12:29,591 --> 01:12:31,967
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.

919
01:12:32,050 --> 01:12:35,300
I mean, it's not really fine.
It is what it is,

920
01:12:35,383 --> 01:12:38,841
and sort of there being no parents now,
and us being over here,

921
01:12:38,925 --> 01:12:41,967
it's my job to keep an eye
on him. I mean, not my job.

922
01:12:42,050 --> 01:12:44,092
Obviously,
I'm glad to do it...

923
01:12:44,508 --> 01:12:45,925
That's okay.

924
01:12:46,008 --> 01:12:49,841
I mean, life is full
of interruptions and complications.

925
01:12:52,175 --> 01:12:53,675
So...

926
01:13:10,633 --> 01:13:12,633
Will it make him better?

927
01:13:14,050 --> 01:13:15,716
No.

928
01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:17,800
Then maybe

929
01:13:18,633 --> 01:13:20,633
don't answer.

930
01:13:28,424 --> 01:13:30,675
Hey. How you doing?

931
01:13:31,383 --> 01:13:34,466
Right, right. No, please.

932
01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:37,925
Please, please,
don't, little darling.

933
01:13:38,008 --> 01:13:42,549
Between the two of us we'll find
the answer and it won't hurt anymore.

934
01:13:42,633 --> 01:13:46,591
No, no.
No, I'm not busy. I...

935
01:13:48,383 --> 01:13:51,549
Of course if you want me
to come over I will.

936
01:13:53,591 --> 01:13:55,383
Okay.

937
01:14:04,925 --> 01:14:07,258
That was a good night.

938
01:14:07,383 --> 01:14:08,716
Except I felt fat.

939
01:14:08,800 --> 01:14:10,008
Don't be ridiculous.

940
01:14:10,092 --> 01:14:11,508
It's true.

941
01:14:11,591 --> 01:14:15,758
Nowadays the only clothes
I can get into were once owned by Pavarotti.

942
01:14:15,841 --> 01:14:18,633
I always think
Pavarotti dresses very well.

943
01:14:22,424 --> 01:14:24,424
Mia's very pretty.

944
01:14:26,424 --> 01:14:28,424
Is she?

945
01:14:29,967 --> 01:14:32,758
You know she is, darling.

946
01:14:32,841 --> 01:14:34,967
Be careful there.

947
01:14:58,133 --> 01:15:00,800
Have you been watching
stuff on TV?

948
01:15:02,758 --> 01:15:03,925
Yeah.

949
01:15:05,175 --> 01:15:07,050
- Every night.
- Good.

950
01:15:07,133 --> 01:15:09,217
And every day.

951
01:15:16,383 --> 01:15:17,549
The nurses are
trying to kill me.

952
01:15:17,633 --> 01:15:19,758
Nobody's trying
to kill you, babe.

953
01:15:27,466 --> 01:15:29,466
Thank you.

954
01:15:32,341 --> 01:15:34,508
Don't do that, my darling.

955
01:15:36,841 --> 01:15:38,841
Thank you.

956
01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:47,883
Don't do that.

957
01:16:21,008 --> 01:16:23,508
Right. Back at 3:00.
Christmas shopping,

958
01:16:23,591 --> 01:16:25,258
never an easy or
a pleasant task.

959
01:16:25,341 --> 01:16:27,258
Are you gonna
get me something?

960
01:16:31,967 --> 01:16:33,925
I don't know,
I hadn't thought.

961
01:16:34,383 --> 01:16:35,883
And where's Sarah,
by the way?

962
01:16:35,967 --> 01:16:38,591
She couldn't make it
in today. Family thing.

963
01:16:38,758 --> 01:16:42,341
There's a word for hangover
I've never heard before.

964
01:16:42,841 --> 01:16:44,133
See you later.

965
01:16:44,217 --> 01:16:46,841
Yes. Looking forward to it.

966
01:16:49,967 --> 01:16:51,967
A lot.

967
01:17:04,341 --> 01:17:06,466
So are you gonna
give me something?

968
01:17:07,466 --> 01:17:09,925
I thought I made
it clear last night.

969
01:17:10,008 --> 01:17:12,549
When it comes to me,
you can have everything.

970
01:17:13,967 --> 01:17:17,341
So, what do you need?

971
01:17:18,591 --> 01:17:22,424
Something along the stationery line?
Are you short of staplers?

972
01:17:22,925 --> 01:17:26,217
No. I don't want
something I need.

973
01:17:26,300 --> 01:17:29,591
I want something I want,
something pretty.

974
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:32,633
Right.

975
01:17:34,050 --> 01:17:35,591
Right.

976
01:17:43,508 --> 01:17:46,883
Sorry I'm late. I had to drop off
Bernie at rehearsal.

977
01:17:51,050 --> 01:17:53,424
Right, well, listen, you keep
yourself occupied for 10 minutes

978
01:17:53,508 --> 01:17:56,549
while I go and do the boring
stuff for our mothers.

979
01:18:19,008 --> 01:18:21,050
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

980
01:18:21,175 --> 01:18:23,549
Looking for anything
in particular, sir?

981
01:18:23,633 --> 01:18:27,133
Yes. That necklace there,
how much is it?

982
01:18:27,383 --> 01:18:29,508
It's £270.

983
01:18:31,300 --> 01:18:34,008
All right. I'll have it.

984
01:18:34,092 --> 01:18:35,258
Lovely.

985
01:18:38,258 --> 01:18:41,217
Would you like it
gift-wrapped?

986
01:18:41,883 --> 01:18:43,341
Yes, all right.

987
01:18:43,424 --> 01:18:44,549
Lovely.

988
01:18:47,133 --> 01:18:49,300
Let me just
pop it in the box.

989
01:18:51,508 --> 01:18:52,633
There.

990
01:18:52,716 --> 01:18:55,341
Look,
could we be quite quick?

991
01:18:55,424 --> 01:18:56,758
Certainly, sir.

992
01:18:56,841 --> 01:18:59,591
Ready in
the flashiest of flashes.

993
01:19:06,633 --> 01:19:08,217
- There.
- That's great.

994
01:19:08,466 --> 01:19:11,424
Not quite finished.

995
01:19:14,300 --> 01:19:15,675
Look, actually,
I don't need a bag.

996
01:19:15,758 --> 01:19:17,383
I'll just put it
in my pocket.

997
01:19:17,466 --> 01:19:18,967
This isn't a bag, sir.

998
01:19:19,466 --> 01:19:20,591
Really?

999
01:19:20,675 --> 01:19:22,758
This is so much
more than a bag.

1000
01:19:45,758 --> 01:19:48,050
Could we be
quite quick, please?

1001
01:20:09,675 --> 01:20:10,800
What's that?

1002
01:20:10,883 --> 01:20:12,633
It's a cinnamon stick, sir.

1003
01:20:12,925 --> 01:20:14,383
Actually,
I really can't wait.

1004
01:20:14,466 --> 01:20:16,092
You won't regret it, sir.

1005
01:20:16,175 --> 01:20:17,758
Want to bet?

1006
01:20:17,841 --> 01:20:20,424
'Tis but
the work of a moment.

1007
01:20:24,092 --> 01:20:26,258
There we go.
Almost finished.

1008
01:20:26,383 --> 01:20:28,092
Almost finished?
What else can there be?

1009
01:20:28,175 --> 01:20:29,424
Are you gonna
dip it in yogurt?

1010
01:20:29,508 --> 01:20:30,925
Cover it with
chocolate buttons?

1011
01:20:31,008 --> 01:20:33,967
No, sir, we're going to pop
it in the Christmas box.

1012
01:20:34,217 --> 01:20:35,508
But I don't want
a Christmas box.

1013
01:20:35,591 --> 01:20:36,967
But you said you wanted it
gift-wrapped.

1014
01:20:37,050 --> 01:20:38,133
I did but...

1015
01:20:38,217 --> 01:20:39,466
This is the final flourish.

1016
01:20:39,549 --> 01:20:40,591
Can I just pay?

1017
01:20:40,675 --> 01:20:41,841
All we need now...

1018
01:20:41,925 --> 01:20:43,383
Oh, God.

1019
01:20:43,466 --> 01:20:44,466
Is a sprig of holly.

1020
01:20:44,549 --> 01:20:45,591
No, no, no, no.

1021
01:20:45,675 --> 01:20:47,466
- No bloody holly.
- But, sir...

1022
01:20:47,549 --> 01:20:49,675
Leave it. Leave it.
Just leave it.

1023
01:20:50,424 --> 01:20:51,967
Loitering around the
jewelry section, I see.

1024
01:20:52,050 --> 01:20:53,758
No. I was just
looking around.

1025
01:20:53,841 --> 01:20:56,675
Don't worry. My expectations
are not that high

1026
01:20:56,758 --> 01:21:00,258
after 13 years of
Mr. Oh-but-you-always-love-scarves.

1027
01:21:00,841 --> 01:21:02,800
Actually,
I do love this one.

1028
01:21:13,466 --> 01:21:14,508
Hey!

1029
01:21:14,591 --> 01:21:16,675
What are you doing here?

1030
01:21:17,175 --> 01:21:20,050
Had to rent out my flat
to pay for my ticket.

1031
01:21:20,133 --> 01:21:23,383
You're not actually going ahead
with this genuinely stupid plan?

1032
01:21:23,466 --> 01:21:25,258
Yeah. I bloody am.

1033
01:21:25,341 --> 01:21:28,758
You think this backpack
is full of clothes? Like hell it is.

1034
01:21:29,050 --> 01:21:31,549
It is chock-a-block
full of condoms.

1035
01:21:32,217 --> 01:21:35,466
Excellent. Excellent.
Perfect, keep that going.

1036
01:21:36,800 --> 01:21:41,508
Look, sorry to be
a bit forward and all that,

1037
01:21:41,633 --> 01:21:44,175
but you don't fancy going
for a Christmas drink, do you?

1038
01:21:44,258 --> 01:21:46,424
I mean,
nothing implied at all.

1039
01:21:46,508 --> 01:21:51,466
Just maybe go and see
something Christmassy or something.

1040
01:21:51,591 --> 01:21:55,008
Obviously, if you don't want to,
you don't have to. I...

1041
01:21:55,092 --> 01:21:56,716
I'm rambling now, sorry.

1042
01:21:57,092 --> 01:21:59,633
No. That would be lovely.

1043
01:22:00,217 --> 01:22:02,508
Great.

1044
01:22:06,300 --> 01:22:08,341
You know,
that is really great.

1045
01:22:08,424 --> 01:22:10,217
Normally, I'm really shy
about this sort of thing.

1046
01:22:10,300 --> 01:22:13,050
Takes me ages to get
the courage up, so thank you.

1047
01:22:19,675 --> 01:22:21,508
Explain to me again
why you're so late.

1048
01:22:21,591 --> 01:22:24,800
For heaven's sake, woman,
can't a man have any secrets?

1049
01:22:25,092 --> 01:22:29,133
We've been waiting for hours.
It's the first ever preview.

1050
01:22:37,925 --> 01:22:41,925
It was a starry night
in ancient Jerusalem

1051
01:22:42,008 --> 01:22:45,092
and the baby Jesus was
in his manger.

1052
01:22:53,508 --> 01:22:56,800
Sherlock Holmes is
not a real detective.

1053
01:23:00,258 --> 01:23:03,508
I would like
half-pint of sherry.

1054
01:23:04,424 --> 01:23:06,967
I would like
a one-day travel card.

1055
01:23:12,841 --> 01:23:15,967
Milton Keynes has
many roundabouts.

1056
01:23:39,383 --> 01:23:41,008
You'll come back
a broken man.

1057
01:23:41,092 --> 01:23:44,092
Yeah, back broken
from too much sex.

1058
01:23:44,175 --> 01:23:46,341
You are on
the road to disaster.

1059
01:23:46,424 --> 01:23:49,967
No, I am on shag highway,
heading west.

1060
01:23:50,466 --> 01:23:52,633
Farewell, failure.

1061
01:23:52,716 --> 01:23:56,466
America, watch out!
Here comes Colin Frissell.

1062
01:23:57,175 --> 01:24:00,549
And he's got a big knob.

1063
01:24:10,800 --> 01:24:12,092
Take me to a bar.

1064
01:24:12,175 --> 01:24:13,300
What kind of bar?

1065
01:24:13,383 --> 01:24:16,883
Just any bar. Just
your average American bar.

1066
01:24:24,341 --> 01:24:25,383
Can I help you?

1067
01:24:25,466 --> 01:24:27,883
Yes. I'd like a Budweiser,
please.

1068
01:24:27,967 --> 01:24:29,424
King of beers.

1069
01:24:29,508 --> 01:24:31,008
One Bud coming up.

1070
01:24:32,300 --> 01:24:33,633
Oh, my God.

1071
01:24:35,175 --> 01:24:36,800
Are you from England?

1072
01:24:37,925 --> 01:24:39,050
Yes.

1073
01:24:40,925 --> 01:24:43,633
That is so cute.

1074
01:24:43,716 --> 01:24:45,883
Hi, I'm Stacey.

1075
01:24:47,424 --> 01:24:49,424
Jeannie?

1076
01:24:51,591 --> 01:24:52,716
Yeah?

1077
01:24:53,591 --> 01:24:55,383
This is...

1078
01:24:55,466 --> 01:24:56,758
Colin.

1079
01:24:58,424 --> 01:25:00,383
Frissell.

1080
01:25:00,466 --> 01:25:02,258
Cute name.

1081
01:25:02,341 --> 01:25:04,008
Jeannie.

1082
01:25:04,092 --> 01:25:05,341
He's from England.

1083
01:25:05,424 --> 01:25:07,549
Yep. Basildon.

1084
01:25:10,383 --> 01:25:13,591
Wait till
Carol-Anne gets here.

1085
01:25:13,675 --> 01:25:15,591
She's crazy
about English guys.

1086
01:25:20,633 --> 01:25:22,008
Hey, girls.

1087
01:25:22,092 --> 01:25:24,508
Carol-Anne, come meet Colin.

1088
01:25:24,591 --> 01:25:26,092
He's from England.

1089
01:25:27,675 --> 01:25:31,758
Well, step aside, ladies.
This one's on me.

1090
01:25:34,466 --> 01:25:36,424
Hey, gorgeous.

1091
01:25:39,133 --> 01:25:40,716
That is so funny!

1092
01:25:42,383 --> 01:25:44,175
What do you call that?

1093
01:25:44,258 --> 01:25:45,508
Bottle.

1094
01:25:45,591 --> 01:25:47,050
Bottle.

1095
01:25:47,133 --> 01:25:49,092
- What about this?
- Straw.

1096
01:25:49,175 --> 01:25:50,925
Straw.

1097
01:25:51,008 --> 01:25:52,925
- What about this?
- Table.

1098
01:25:54,300 --> 01:25:56,258
- Table. The same.
- It's the same.

1099
01:25:57,050 --> 01:25:58,466
Where are you staying?

1100
01:25:58,549 --> 01:26:00,383
I don't actually know.

1101
01:26:00,466 --> 01:26:02,633
I guess I'll just check into a motel
like they do in the movies.

1102
01:26:02,716 --> 01:26:05,967
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that is so cute.

1103
01:26:06,217 --> 01:26:10,508
No, no, no, listen. This may be
a bit pushy 'cause we just met you,

1104
01:26:10,800 --> 01:26:13,258
but why don't you come back
and sleep at our place?

1105
01:26:13,341 --> 01:26:15,424
Yeah.

1106
01:26:15,800 --> 01:26:18,633
Well, I mean, you know, if it's not
too much of an inconvenience.

1107
01:26:18,716 --> 01:26:20,258
Hell no!

1108
01:26:20,341 --> 01:26:21,967
But there's one problem.

1109
01:26:22,508 --> 01:26:24,258
What?

1110
01:26:24,341 --> 01:26:27,633
Well, we're not the richest
of girls, you know.

1111
01:26:27,716 --> 01:26:32,466
So we just have
a little bed and no couch.

1112
01:26:32,675 --> 01:26:36,008
So you'd have to share
with all three of us.

1113
01:26:36,591 --> 01:26:42,508
And on this cold, cold night it's gonna be
crowded and sweaty and stuff.

1114
01:26:42,591 --> 01:26:45,508
And we can't even
afford pajamas.

1115
01:26:45,967 --> 01:26:47,050
No?

1116
01:26:48,050 --> 01:26:51,591
Which means
we would be naked.

1117
01:26:57,466 --> 01:26:59,300
No, no, I think it'd be fine.

1118
01:26:59,383 --> 01:27:00,383
- Great.
- Cool.

1119
01:27:01,841 --> 01:27:04,591
The thing that's gonna make
it more crowded...

1120
01:27:05,133 --> 01:27:07,217
Harriet.
You haven't met Harriet.

1121
01:27:07,675 --> 01:27:09,175
- There's a fourth one?
- Yeah.

1122
01:27:09,258 --> 01:27:13,300
Don't worry, you're totally gonna like her
'cause she is the sexy one.

1123
01:27:13,383 --> 01:27:16,217
- Really? Wow.
- Yeah.

1124
01:27:16,549 --> 01:27:18,591
Praise the Lord!

1125
01:27:18,675 --> 01:27:20,050
And he's a Christian.

1126
01:27:22,633 --> 01:27:24,300
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

1127
01:27:45,217 --> 01:27:48,300
One present only each tonight.
Who's got one for Dad?

1128
01:27:48,383 --> 01:27:50,300
- I have.
- Let Mommy go first.

1129
01:27:50,383 --> 01:27:51,424
I'll get it. I'll get it.

1130
01:27:51,508 --> 01:27:53,424
No, no, no. I want to choose mine.
I want to choose mine.

1131
01:27:53,508 --> 01:27:55,716
I think I want

1132
01:27:57,967 --> 01:27:59,008
this one.

1133
01:27:59,092 --> 01:28:01,549
I have, of course, bought you
the traditional scarf as well,

1134
01:28:01,633 --> 01:28:05,383
but this is my other,
slightly special, personal one.

1135
01:28:06,050 --> 01:28:08,092
Thank you.

1136
01:28:08,591 --> 01:28:10,341
That's a real first.

1137
01:28:10,424 --> 01:28:11,424
Rip it!

1138
01:28:11,508 --> 01:28:12,508
What is it?

1139
01:28:12,883 --> 01:28:15,591
I'm going to...
All right, I'll rip it.

1140
01:28:22,591 --> 01:28:24,925
God, that's a surprise.

1141
01:28:25,508 --> 01:28:27,217
What is it?

1142
01:28:29,424 --> 01:28:32,633
It's a CD.
Joni Mitchell.

1143
01:28:32,716 --> 01:28:35,300
To continue your
emotional education.

1144
01:28:35,383 --> 01:28:39,508
Yes. Goodness.

1145
01:28:40,424 --> 01:28:42,092
That's great.

1146
01:28:42,383 --> 01:28:44,591
My brilliant wife.

1147
01:28:44,675 --> 01:28:45,883
Yes.

1148
01:28:47,383 --> 01:28:51,716
Actually, do you mind if
I just absent myself for a second?

1149
01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:54,383
All that ice cream.

1150
01:28:55,008 --> 01:28:57,967
Darling, could you just make sure
the kids are ready to go?

1151
01:28:58,050 --> 01:28:59,466
I'll be back in a minute.

1152
01:28:59,549 --> 01:29:01,841
All right, all right,
let's take it easy.

1153
01:29:01,925 --> 01:29:03,591
Mine first. Mine.

1154
01:31:00,925 --> 01:31:02,466
Oh, my God.

1155
01:31:02,549 --> 01:31:05,466
It's a miracle.
You're all dressed.

1156
01:31:05,549 --> 01:31:08,466
Come on, come on, come on,
we're horribly late.

1157
01:31:08,549 --> 01:31:10,549
Right, then. Come on.
In the car. In the car.

1158
01:31:10,633 --> 01:31:11,967
Come on.

1159
01:31:22,133 --> 01:31:23,549
Has she noticed you yet?

1160
01:31:23,633 --> 01:31:25,258
No.

1161
01:31:25,549 --> 01:31:26,841
You know the thing
about romance is

1162
01:31:26,925 --> 01:31:29,591
people only get together
right at the very end.

1163
01:31:29,675 --> 01:31:31,800
Of course.

1164
01:31:33,466 --> 01:31:37,050
By the way, I feel bad.
I never ask you how your love life is going.

1165
01:31:39,383 --> 01:31:41,092
No.

1166
01:31:41,175 --> 01:31:44,008
As you know, that was
a done deal long ago.

1167
01:31:45,549 --> 01:31:48,092
Unless, of course,
Claudia Schiffer calls,

1168
01:31:48,175 --> 01:31:50,300
in which case I want you out of
the house straightaway,

1169
01:31:50,383 --> 01:31:52,424
you wee motherless mongrel.

1170
01:31:53,633 --> 01:31:58,217
No, no. We'll want to have
sex in every room, including yours.

1171
01:31:58,424 --> 01:32:00,800
It's a rainy
Christmas Eve all over the UK

1172
01:32:00,883 --> 01:32:03,258
and the big question
is who is number one

1173
01:32:03,341 --> 01:32:05,092
on the Radio One
chart show tonight?

1174
01:32:05,175 --> 01:32:09,258
Is it Blue or the unexpected
Christmas sensation from Billy Mack?

1175
01:32:09,549 --> 01:32:13,341
You might have guessed it,
although you may not believe it.

1176
01:32:13,424 --> 01:32:15,591
It's Billy Mack.

1177
01:32:18,341 --> 01:32:20,175
You are the champion!

1178
01:32:20,258 --> 01:32:21,633
Hi, Billy.

1179
01:32:21,716 --> 01:32:22,716
Hello.

1180
01:32:22,800 --> 01:32:26,341
We're live across the nation,
and you're number one.

1181
01:32:26,424 --> 01:32:27,967
How will you
be celebrating?

1182
01:32:28,050 --> 01:32:29,300
I don't know.

1183
01:32:29,383 --> 01:32:32,383
Either I could behave like
a real rock and roll loser

1184
01:32:32,508 --> 01:32:35,466
and get drunk
with my fat manager,

1185
01:32:35,549 --> 01:32:37,383
or, when I hang up,

1186
01:32:37,466 --> 01:32:42,383
I'll be flooded by invitations
to a large number of glamorous parties.

1187
01:32:42,633 --> 01:32:45,883
Let's hope it's the latter.
And here it is. Number one, from Billy Mack,

1188
01:32:45,967 --> 01:32:47,716
it's Christmas Is All Around.

1189
01:32:47,800 --> 01:32:50,008
Jesus, not that crap again.

1190
01:32:53,549 --> 01:32:55,925
Bill, it's for you, babe.

1191
01:32:56,633 --> 01:32:59,008
Hello. Elton.

1192
01:32:59,133 --> 01:33:02,383
Of course. Of course.

1193
01:33:02,466 --> 01:33:05,675
Send an embarrassingly
big car, and I'll be there.

1194
01:33:08,050 --> 01:33:11,549
It's gonna be
a very good Christmas.

1195
01:33:19,716 --> 01:33:20,758
Right.

1196
01:33:20,841 --> 01:33:23,591
I'd better be getting inside actually.
My mom and, you know...

1197
01:33:23,675 --> 01:33:26,466
Of course, yeah.
It's getting a bit cold.

1198
01:33:29,341 --> 01:33:30,841
Well, good night.

1199
01:33:30,925 --> 01:33:32,050
Night.

1200
01:33:41,925 --> 01:33:43,466
Okay.

1201
01:33:57,800 --> 01:34:01,591
All I want for Christmas
is you.

1202
01:34:04,300 --> 01:34:06,466
Right.

1203
01:34:06,549 --> 01:34:09,549
Thank you. Good.

1204
01:34:10,050 --> 01:34:11,300
Good night.

1205
01:34:25,549 --> 01:34:27,800
Look, everyone,
it's Uncle Jamie.

1206
01:34:27,883 --> 01:34:30,549
Hi, Uncle Jamie!

1207
01:34:30,633 --> 01:34:34,716
Yes, splendid.
It's lovely to see you all.

1208
01:34:35,508 --> 01:34:37,883
And...

1209
01:34:39,050 --> 01:34:40,591
I'm off, actually.

1210
01:34:40,841 --> 01:34:43,591
But, Jamie, darling...

1211
01:34:43,675 --> 01:34:45,925
Sorry.

1212
01:34:46,008 --> 01:34:48,549
Man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.

1213
01:34:51,800 --> 01:34:53,466
I hate Uncle Jamie!

1214
01:34:53,549 --> 01:34:55,341
I hate Uncle Jamie.

1215
01:34:55,424 --> 01:34:57,050
I hate Uncle Jamie.

1216
01:35:08,341 --> 01:35:11,133
Gatwick Airport, please.
Fast as you can.

1217
01:35:26,258 --> 01:35:27,341
Night, Sarah.

1218
01:35:27,424 --> 01:35:28,925
Night, Karl.

1219
01:35:29,967 --> 01:35:31,967
I...

1220
01:35:36,383 --> 01:35:39,549
Merry Christmas.

1221
01:35:59,383 --> 01:36:02,258
Hi, babe.
How's it going? Yeah.

1222
01:36:02,591 --> 01:36:04,883
Is it all party, party,
party down there?

1223
01:36:23,633 --> 01:36:25,591
Sam, time for dinner.

1224
01:36:25,675 --> 01:36:26,925
I'm not hungry.

1225
01:36:27,008 --> 01:36:30,341
Sam, I've done
chicken kebabs.

1226
01:36:30,424 --> 01:36:32,508
Look at the sign
on the door.

1227
01:36:36,800 --> 01:36:38,050
Right.

1228
01:36:44,591 --> 01:36:47,217
It's a little long.

1229
01:36:55,466 --> 01:36:57,466
I'll get it.

1230
01:37:03,925 --> 01:37:05,341
Hi.

1231
01:37:05,424 --> 01:37:06,883
Who is it?

1232
01:37:11,549 --> 01:37:13,341
It's carol singers.

1233
01:37:13,549 --> 01:37:16,258
Give them a quid and
tell them to bugger off.

1234
01:38:28,383 --> 01:38:30,383
Merry Christmas.

1235
01:39:07,008 --> 01:39:08,466
Enough.

1236
01:39:09,758 --> 01:39:11,258
Enough now.

1237
01:39:20,008 --> 01:39:21,675
What the hell
are you doing here?

1238
01:39:21,758 --> 01:39:23,675
You're supposed to be
at Elton John's.

1239
01:39:23,758 --> 01:39:28,716
Well, I was there for a minute or two,
and then I had an epiphany.

1240
01:39:29,383 --> 01:39:31,549
- Really?
- Yeah.

1241
01:39:31,633 --> 01:39:33,633
Come on. Just come up.

1242
01:39:33,800 --> 01:39:36,967
So what was this epiphany?

1243
01:39:37,050 --> 01:39:39,675
It was about Christmas.

1244
01:39:40,341 --> 01:39:42,424
You realized
it was all around.

1245
01:39:42,508 --> 01:39:45,383
No. I realized that
Christmas is the time

1246
01:39:45,466 --> 01:39:47,383
to be with
the people you love.

1247
01:39:48,341 --> 01:39:49,549
Right.

1248
01:39:49,633 --> 01:39:52,883
And I realized that,
as dire chance

1249
01:39:52,967 --> 01:39:56,133
and fateful cock-up
would have it,

1250
01:39:56,217 --> 01:40:00,050
here I am, mid-50s,

1251
01:40:00,591 --> 01:40:03,675
and without knowing it, I've gone
and spent most of my adult life

1252
01:40:03,758 --> 01:40:06,133
with a chubby employee.

1253
01:40:07,800 --> 01:40:10,383
And, much as it
grieves me to say it,

1254
01:40:10,466 --> 01:40:16,258
it might be that the people
I love is, in fact,

1255
01:40:17,466 --> 01:40:18,466
you.

1256
01:40:21,591 --> 01:40:23,591
Well, this is a surprise.

1257
01:40:23,925 --> 01:40:25,508
Yeah.

1258
01:40:25,591 --> 01:40:28,008
Ten minutes at Elton John's,
you're as gay as a Maypole.

1259
01:40:28,092 --> 01:40:29,925
No, look.
I'm serious here.

1260
01:40:30,008 --> 01:40:31,841
I left Elton's
where there were

1261
01:40:31,925 --> 01:40:34,300
a hefty number of
half-naked chicks

1262
01:40:34,383 --> 01:40:39,383
with their mouths open in order to
hang out with you at Christmas.

1263
01:40:41,549 --> 01:40:42,925
Well, Bill...

1264
01:40:43,008 --> 01:40:46,883
It's a terrible,
terrible mistake, chubs,

1265
01:40:51,092 --> 01:40:54,341
but you turn out to be
the fucking love of my life.

1266
01:40:57,758 --> 01:41:01,466
And to be honest,
despite all my complaining,

1267
01:41:03,549 --> 01:41:05,925
we have had
a wonderful life.

1268
01:41:10,758 --> 01:41:12,424
Well,

1269
01:41:14,217 --> 01:41:15,925
thank you.

1270
01:41:17,841 --> 01:41:20,758
I mean, come on,
it's been an honor.

1271
01:41:23,092 --> 01:41:25,050
I feel very proud.

1272
01:41:25,133 --> 01:41:27,217
Look, don't be a moron.

1273
01:41:38,341 --> 01:41:41,424
Come on, let's get
pissed and watch porn.

1274
01:42:00,925 --> 01:42:03,383
Dear sir...
Dear David,

1275
01:42:03,466 --> 01:42:06,758
Merry Christmas and I hope you have
a very happy New Year.

1276
01:42:07,050 --> 01:42:09,383
I'm very sorry about
the thing that happened.

1277
01:42:09,466 --> 01:42:12,508
It was a very odd moment
and I feel like a prize idiot.

1278
01:42:12,800 --> 01:42:14,508
Particularly because,

1279
01:42:14,591 --> 01:42:17,341
if you can't say it at
Christmas when can you, eh,

1280
01:42:17,424 --> 01:42:21,050
I'm actually yours.
With love, your Natalie.

1281
01:42:41,424 --> 01:42:43,300
Jack, yeah, I need a car.

1282
01:42:43,383 --> 01:42:45,591
Right now. Thank you.

1283
01:42:57,383 --> 01:42:59,424
Don't wait up.

1284
01:43:03,383 --> 01:43:05,341
I'd like to go to Wandsworth,
the dodgy end.

1285
01:43:05,424 --> 01:43:06,883
Very good, sir.

1286
01:43:18,591 --> 01:43:21,300
Harris Street.
What number, sir?

1287
01:43:21,383 --> 01:43:24,092
God, it's the longest
street in the world,

1288
01:43:24,175 --> 01:43:26,050
and I have
absolutely no idea.

1289
01:43:34,633 --> 01:43:36,508
Hello.
Does Natalie live here?

1290
01:43:36,967 --> 01:43:38,050
No.

1291
01:43:38,133 --> 01:43:39,967
Right, fine.
Thank you. Sorry to disturb.

1292
01:43:40,050 --> 01:43:42,092
Hey, aren't...

1293
01:43:42,424 --> 01:43:45,383
Aren't you
the prime minister?

1294
01:43:45,466 --> 01:43:48,758
Yes. In fact, I am.
Merry Christmas.

1295
01:43:50,424 --> 01:43:51,508
Part of the service now.

1296
01:43:51,591 --> 01:43:53,675
Trying to get around to
everyone by New Year's Eve.

1297
01:43:59,383 --> 01:44:02,050
Hello.
Does Natalie live here?

1298
01:44:02,133 --> 01:44:03,258
No, she doesn't.

1299
01:44:03,341 --> 01:44:04,466
Oh, dear. Okay.

1300
01:44:04,549 --> 01:44:06,508
Are you singing carols?

1301
01:44:06,591 --> 01:44:07,758
No. No, I'm not.

1302
01:44:07,841 --> 01:44:09,591
Please, sir, please.

1303
01:44:09,675 --> 01:44:10,967
Please.

1304
01:44:14,050 --> 01:44:15,800
Well, I suppose I could.

1305
01:44:16,217 --> 01:44:17,800
Please.

1306
01:44:19,050 --> 01:44:20,466
All right.

1307
01:44:23,424 --> 01:44:26,758
<i>Good King Wenceslas
looked out</i>

1308
01:44:26,841 --> 01:44:30,508
<i>On the feast of Stephen</i>

1309
01:44:30,591 --> 01:44:33,675
<i>When the snow
lay round about</i>

1310
01:44:34,050 --> 01:44:37,341
<i>Deep and crisp and even</i>

1311
01:44:37,424 --> 01:44:41,008
<i>Brightly shone
the moon that night</i>

1312
01:44:42,341 --> 01:44:45,549
Hello. Sorry to disturb.
Does Natalie live here?

1313
01:44:45,633 --> 01:44:47,883
No. She lives next door.

1314
01:44:53,133 --> 01:44:54,466
Brilliant.

1315
01:44:54,549 --> 01:44:56,800
You're not who I think
you are, are you?

1316
01:44:56,883 --> 01:44:59,175
Yes, I'm afraid I am,
and I'm sorry about all the cock-ups.

1317
01:44:59,258 --> 01:45:01,341
Not my fault.
My cabinet are absolute crap.

1318
01:45:01,424 --> 01:45:04,967
We hope to do better next year.
Merry Christmas to you.

1319
01:45:22,424 --> 01:45:25,800
Hello. Is Natalie in?

1320
01:45:25,883 --> 01:45:28,675
Where the fuck
is my fucking coat?

1321
01:45:31,424 --> 01:45:34,424
Hello.

1322
01:45:34,508 --> 01:45:39,383
This is my mom and my dad and
my Uncle Tony and my Auntie Glynne.

1323
01:45:39,466 --> 01:45:41,300
Hello.
Very nice to meet you.

1324
01:45:41,758 --> 01:45:45,300
And this is
the prime minister.

1325
01:45:45,383 --> 01:45:48,383
Yes, we can see that,
darling.

1326
01:45:48,549 --> 01:45:51,008
And, unfortunately,
we're very late.

1327
01:45:51,092 --> 01:45:54,050
It's the school Christmas
concert, you see, David.

1328
01:45:54,341 --> 01:45:55,800
It's the first time
all the local schools

1329
01:45:55,883 --> 01:45:57,758
have joined together,
even St. Basil's...

1330
01:45:57,841 --> 01:45:59,092
Too much detail, Mom.

1331
01:45:59,175 --> 01:46:01,466
Anyway,
how can we help, sir?

1332
01:46:01,800 --> 01:46:05,549
Well, I just needed Natalie

1333
01:46:08,424 --> 01:46:10,383
on some state business.

1334
01:46:11,758 --> 01:46:16,883
Right, yes.
Of course. Right.

1335
01:46:16,967 --> 01:46:19,508
Well, perhaps you should
come on later, Plumpy.

1336
01:46:20,133 --> 01:46:21,258
Natalie.

1337
01:46:21,341 --> 01:46:23,633
Well, listen, I don't want to make
you late for the concert.

1338
01:46:23,716 --> 01:46:25,508
No, it's nothing, really.

1339
01:46:25,591 --> 01:46:27,050
Keith will be
very disappointed.

1340
01:46:27,133 --> 01:46:29,092
No, really,
it doesn't matter.

1341
01:46:29,175 --> 01:46:31,383
The octopus costume's
taken me months.

1342
01:46:31,758 --> 01:46:33,675
Eight is a lot
of legs, David.

1343
01:46:37,716 --> 01:46:40,092
Well, listen,
why don't I give you a lift,

1344
01:46:40,175 --> 01:46:45,092
and then we can talk about
this state business business in the car?

1345
01:46:47,508 --> 01:46:48,508
Okay.

1346
01:46:48,591 --> 01:46:50,341
- Lovely, yes.
- Lovely.

1347
01:46:50,424 --> 01:46:51,508
Thank you.

1348
01:46:51,591 --> 01:46:53,383
Hold tight, everybody.

1349
01:47:00,383 --> 01:47:01,549
How far is this place?

1350
01:47:01,633 --> 01:47:03,008
Just round the corner.

1351
01:47:03,092 --> 01:47:05,675
Right. Well...

1352
01:47:07,549 --> 01:47:09,716
I just wanted to say

1353
01:47:11,716 --> 01:47:13,758
thank you for
the Christmas card.

1354
01:47:14,175 --> 01:47:15,675
You're welcome.

1355
01:47:15,967 --> 01:47:18,008
Look, I'm so sorry
about that day.

1356
01:47:18,175 --> 01:47:19,883
I mean, I came into the room
and he slinked towards me

1357
01:47:19,967 --> 01:47:21,092
and there was a fire

1358
01:47:21,175 --> 01:47:22,758
and he's the President of
the United States

1359
01:47:22,841 --> 01:47:25,341
and nothing happened,
I promise.

1360
01:47:25,424 --> 01:47:28,424
And I just felt like
such a fool because

1361
01:47:28,925 --> 01:47:32,050
I think about you
all the time actually.

1362
01:47:32,466 --> 01:47:33,549
And I think you're
the man I really...

1363
01:47:33,633 --> 01:47:35,675
We're here.

1364
01:47:35,758 --> 01:47:37,341
- Love.
- Oh, wow.

1365
01:47:37,466 --> 01:47:40,008
That really was
just round the corner.

1366
01:47:55,424 --> 01:47:57,383
Well, look, I...

1367
01:47:59,300 --> 01:48:01,508
I think I'd better
not come in, you know?

1368
01:48:02,549 --> 01:48:06,092
Last thing anyone wants is some sleazy
politician stealing the kids' thunder.

1369
01:48:06,175 --> 01:48:09,800
No, please come.
It'll be great.

1370
01:48:10,341 --> 01:48:12,925
No, I'd...
I'd better not.

1371
01:48:13,800 --> 01:48:18,383
But I will be very sorry

1372
01:48:18,466 --> 01:48:20,508
to drive away from you.

1373
01:48:22,258 --> 01:48:24,383
Just give me one second.

1374
01:48:38,466 --> 01:48:41,466
John's been very mysterious.
Where did you two meet?

1375
01:48:47,800 --> 01:48:49,800
No!

1376
01:49:21,466 --> 01:49:24,133
Come on in.
We can watch from backstage.

1377
01:49:24,841 --> 01:49:26,967
Okay. Terry,
I won't be long.

1378
01:49:30,466 --> 01:49:33,466
Look, this has to be
a very secret visit, okay?

1379
01:49:33,549 --> 01:49:35,050
Don't worry.
This was my school.

1380
01:49:35,133 --> 01:49:37,133
I know my way around.
Come on.

1381
01:49:40,591 --> 01:49:43,341
Look, the sheep are ready already
and you're not even...

1382
01:49:43,424 --> 01:49:45,175
David.

1383
01:49:47,383 --> 01:49:49,633
How are you?

1384
01:49:50,008 --> 01:49:53,675
Hi, guys. Hey, hey, hey.
You all right?

1385
01:49:54,258 --> 01:49:56,383
What the hell
are you doing here?

1386
01:49:56,466 --> 01:49:57,466
Well, you know...

1387
01:49:57,549 --> 01:49:59,383
Well, I always tell your
secretary's secretary's secretary

1388
01:49:59,466 --> 01:50:02,300
that these things are going on,
but it never occurred to me

1389
01:50:02,383 --> 01:50:03,925
you'd actually turn up.

1390
01:50:04,008 --> 01:50:06,008
I thought it was
about time I did.

1391
01:50:06,092 --> 01:50:07,300
I just didn't
want anyone to see,

1392
01:50:07,383 --> 01:50:09,508
so I'm gonna hide myself
somewhere and watch the show.

1393
01:50:09,591 --> 01:50:12,217
Good luck, good luck, Daisy.
Good luck, Bernie.

1394
01:50:12,341 --> 01:50:15,841
I have to tell you, I've never been gladder
to see my stupid big brother.

1395
01:50:15,925 --> 01:50:17,092
Thank you.

1396
01:50:17,175 --> 01:50:18,466
All right.

1397
01:50:19,508 --> 01:50:22,092
Now, we haven't
been introduced.

1398
01:50:22,508 --> 01:50:25,383
Right.
Well, this is Gavin.

1399
01:50:25,466 --> 01:50:26,508
Hello, Gavin.

1400
01:50:26,591 --> 01:50:27,716
My copper.

1401
01:50:27,800 --> 01:50:29,758
And this is Natalie,
who's my...

1402
01:50:29,967 --> 01:50:32,508
Who's my
catering manager.

1403
01:50:33,258 --> 01:50:35,008
- Hi.
- Catering manager.

1404
01:50:35,092 --> 01:50:37,258
Watch out he keeps
his hands off you.

1405
01:50:37,341 --> 01:50:39,050
Twenty years ago,
you'd have been just his type.

1406
01:50:39,133 --> 01:50:42,800
I'll be very careful. Don't try something,
sir, just because it's Christmas.

1407
01:50:44,383 --> 01:50:45,383
No, seriously.

1408
01:50:46,591 --> 01:50:49,925
Come on. Showtime. Quickly.
Look, see you after, yeah?

1409
01:50:50,008 --> 01:50:51,466
Yeah, probably. Yeah.

1410
01:50:51,549 --> 01:50:53,633
Thank you, Prime Minister.

1411
01:50:53,716 --> 01:50:54,758
It's all right.

1412
01:50:54,841 --> 01:50:56,300
- Come on.
- Right.

1413
01:50:56,383 --> 01:51:00,508
<i>Catch a falling star
and put it in your pocket</i>

1414
01:51:00,675 --> 01:51:05,008
<i>Save it for a rainy day</i>

1415
01:51:05,092 --> 01:51:08,967
<i>Catch a falling star
and put it in your pocket</i>

1416
01:51:09,258 --> 01:51:12,549
<i>Never let it fade away</i>

1417
01:51:13,508 --> 01:51:17,424
<i>Never let it fade away</i>

1418
01:51:18,050 --> 01:51:22,967
<i>Never let it fade away</i>

1419
01:51:30,633 --> 01:51:32,217
Hillier School would
now like to present

1420
01:51:32,300 --> 01:51:34,175
their chosen
Christmas number.

1421
01:51:34,258 --> 01:51:37,258
Lead vocals by 10-year-old
Joanna Anderson,

1422
01:51:37,341 --> 01:51:42,133
backing vocals coordinated by her mother,
the great Mrs. Jean Anderson.

1423
01:51:42,549 --> 01:51:45,300
Some of the staff
have decided to help out,

1424
01:51:45,383 --> 01:51:49,675
and for this,
we ask you to forgive us.

1425
01:51:50,092 --> 01:51:51,633
Thank you.

1426
01:51:57,383 --> 01:52:01,258
<i>I don't want
a lot for Christmas</i>

1427
01:52:01,341 --> 01:52:05,383
<i>There's just one thing I need</i>

1428
01:52:05,466 --> 01:52:08,633
<i>I don't care
about the presents</i>

1429
01:52:09,008 --> 01:52:12,716
<i>Underneath
the Christmas tree</i>

1430
01:52:12,883 --> 01:52:16,383
<i>I just want you for my own</i>

1431
01:52:16,508 --> 01:52:20,383
<i>More than you
could ever know</i>

1432
01:52:20,466 --> 01:52:24,217
<i>Make my wish come true</i>

1433
01:52:24,383 --> 01:52:28,341
<i>All I want for Christmas</i>

1434
01:52:28,716 --> 01:52:35,716
<i>Is you</i>

1435
01:52:38,549 --> 01:52:41,300
<i>I don't want
a lot for Christmas</i>

1436
01:52:41,383 --> 01:52:44,549
<i>There's just
one thing I need</i>

1437
01:52:44,883 --> 01:52:47,591
<i>I don't care
about the presents</i>

1438
01:52:47,675 --> 01:52:50,716
<i>Underneath
the Christmas tree</i>

1439
01:52:50,841 --> 01:52:53,967
<i>I just want you for my own</i>

1440
01:52:54,050 --> 01:52:57,092
<i>More than you
could ever know</i>

1441
01:52:57,341 --> 01:53:00,300
<i>Make my wish come true</i>

1442
01:53:00,508 --> 01:53:05,008
<i>All I want for Christmas
is you</i>

1443
01:53:06,633 --> 01:53:09,341
<i>You, baby</i>

1444
01:53:09,424 --> 01:53:12,967
<i>All the lights are shining</i>

1445
01:53:13,050 --> 01:53:16,967
<i>So brightly everywhere</i>

1446
01:53:17,133 --> 01:53:21,258
<i>And the sound of children's
laughter fills the air</i>

1447
01:53:21,341 --> 01:53:23,300
<i>Laughter fills the air</i>

1448
01:53:23,383 --> 01:53:25,217
<i>Everyone is singing</i>

1449
01:53:25,300 --> 01:53:26,300
<i>Oh, yeah</i>

1450
01:53:26,383 --> 01:53:28,883
<i>I hear those
sleigh bells ringing</i>

1451
01:53:29,008 --> 01:53:31,591
<i>Santa,
won't you bring me my honey?</i>

1452
01:53:31,675 --> 01:53:35,217
<i>Won't you please
bring my baby to me?</i>

1453
01:53:35,300 --> 01:53:38,383
<i>I don't want
a lot for Christmas</i>

1454
01:53:38,466 --> 01:53:40,383
<i>This is all I'm asking for</i>

1455
01:53:40,466 --> 01:53:42,050
<i>All I'm asking for</i>

1456
01:53:42,133 --> 01:53:44,841
<i>I just wanna see my baby</i>

1457
01:53:44,925 --> 01:53:47,925
<i>Standing right
outside my door</i>

1458
01:53:48,050 --> 01:53:50,591
<i>'Cause I just
want you for my own</i>

1459
01:53:51,300 --> 01:53:52,716
<i>More than you
could ever know</i>

1460
01:53:52,800 --> 01:53:54,424
<i>You will ever know</i>

1461
01:53:54,508 --> 01:53:57,383
<i>Make my wish come true</i>

1462
01:53:57,466 --> 01:54:01,424
<i>All I want for Christmas</i>

1463
01:54:01,508 --> 01:54:05,175
<i>Is you</i>

1464
01:54:05,508 --> 01:54:07,716
<i>All I want for Christmas</i>

1465
01:54:07,967 --> 01:54:11,341
<i>And you and you</i>

1466
01:54:11,591 --> 01:54:12,841
<i>And you and you</i>

1467
01:54:12,925 --> 01:54:14,549
<i>All I want for Christmas</i>

1468
01:54:15,008 --> 01:54:18,383
<i>All I want for Christmas</i>

1469
01:54:35,092 --> 01:54:37,008
Right.

1470
01:54:40,300 --> 01:54:42,300
So, not quite as secret
as we'd hoped.

1471
01:54:42,383 --> 01:54:43,883
What do we do now?

1472
01:54:43,967 --> 01:54:45,008
Smile.

1473
01:54:45,675 --> 01:54:47,675
Little bow.

1474
01:54:51,175 --> 01:54:53,258
And a wave.

1475
01:55:06,925 --> 01:55:09,758
Absolutely no idea.
I mean, can you imagine?

1476
01:55:09,841 --> 01:55:11,841
I'll see you later,
all right?

1477
01:55:11,925 --> 01:55:14,008
I'll speak to you. Bye.

1478
01:55:16,841 --> 01:55:20,800
Tell me, if you were in my position,
what would you do?

1479
01:55:21,175 --> 01:55:23,092
What position is that?

1480
01:55:23,175 --> 01:55:26,967
Imagine your husband
bought a gold necklace

1481
01:55:27,050 --> 01:55:30,050
and, come Christmas,
gave it to somebody else.

1482
01:55:30,258 --> 01:55:31,258
Karen...

1483
01:55:31,341 --> 01:55:32,591
Would you wait around
to find out...

1484
01:55:32,675 --> 01:55:33,675
Good night.

1485
01:55:33,758 --> 01:55:35,383
Night, darling.
Happy Christmas.

1486
01:55:35,466 --> 01:55:38,466
Would you wait around
to find out if it's just a necklace

1487
01:55:38,549 --> 01:55:41,008
or if it's sex
and a necklace

1488
01:55:41,092 --> 01:55:44,424
or if, worst of all,
it's a necklace and love?

1489
01:55:46,258 --> 01:55:47,466
Would you stay?

1490
01:55:47,549 --> 01:55:50,424
Knowing life would always be
a little bit worse?

1491
01:55:51,383 --> 01:55:52,383
Or would you cut and run?

1492
01:55:52,466 --> 01:55:54,675
Oh, God.

1493
01:55:59,508 --> 01:56:02,175
I am so in the wrong.

1494
01:56:02,341 --> 01:56:04,300
A classic fool.

1495
01:56:04,549 --> 01:56:07,591
Yes, but you've also
made a fool out of me.

1496
01:56:07,675 --> 01:56:10,424
You've made the life
I lead foolish too.

1497
01:56:12,883 --> 01:56:15,716
Darling. Darlings!

1498
01:56:15,800 --> 01:56:19,258
You were wonderful.

1499
01:56:19,341 --> 01:56:22,133
My little lobster,
you were so...

1500
01:56:22,217 --> 01:56:24,424
What is that word?

1501
01:56:24,591 --> 01:56:26,466
Orange.

1502
01:56:26,925 --> 01:56:29,883
Come on, I've got treats
at home. Dad's coming.

1503
01:56:31,424 --> 01:56:35,967
Sammy! Fantastic show!
Classic drumming, Son.

1504
01:56:36,341 --> 01:56:39,217
Thanks.
Plan didn't work though.

1505
01:56:39,300 --> 01:56:40,300
Tell her then.

1506
01:56:40,383 --> 01:56:42,466
- Tell her what?
- Tell her that you love her.

1507
01:56:42,549 --> 01:56:45,341
No way.
Anyway, they fly tonight.

1508
01:56:45,424 --> 01:56:48,883
Even better. Sam, you've got
nothing to lose,

1509
01:56:48,967 --> 01:56:51,466
and you'll always
regret it if you don't.

1510
01:56:52,591 --> 01:56:54,466
I never told
your mom enough.

1511
01:56:54,549 --> 01:56:55,967
I should have
told her every day,

1512
01:56:56,050 --> 01:56:58,841
because she was perfect
every day.

1513
01:57:00,258 --> 01:57:04,383
You've seen the films, kiddo.
It ain't over till it's over.

1514
01:57:06,591 --> 01:57:09,008
Okay, Dad. Let's do it.

1515
01:57:09,300 --> 01:57:11,341
Let's go get the shit
kicked out of us by love.

1516
01:57:11,424 --> 01:57:12,424
Yes.

1517
01:57:13,383 --> 01:57:14,591
Just give me one sec.

1518
01:57:14,675 --> 01:57:15,716
Yeah.

1519
01:57:17,175 --> 01:57:18,300
I'm sorry.

1520
01:57:18,383 --> 01:57:19,466
Sorry.

1521
01:57:20,508 --> 01:57:22,050
That's okay.

1522
01:57:22,133 --> 01:57:23,466
My fault.

1523
01:57:23,549 --> 01:57:25,217
No, no, really, it wasn't.

1524
01:57:25,967 --> 01:57:27,841
You're Sam's dad, aren't you?

1525
01:57:28,967 --> 01:57:31,716
Yeah. Stepdad actually.

1526
01:57:32,800 --> 01:57:34,800
- Daniel.
- I'm Carol.

1527
01:57:34,883 --> 01:57:36,591
Carol.

1528
01:57:36,841 --> 01:57:38,716
Okay, I'm back. Let's go.

1529
01:57:38,800 --> 01:57:41,300
Yeah. Well...

1530
01:57:42,383 --> 01:57:44,591
I hope we'll meet again,
Karen.

1531
01:57:44,883 --> 01:57:46,092
Carol.

1532
01:57:48,925 --> 01:57:50,716
I'll make sure we do.

1533
01:57:50,800 --> 01:57:52,716
Yeah? Good.

1534
01:58:01,424 --> 01:58:02,883
- Tell her.
- What?

1535
01:58:02,967 --> 01:58:04,424
You know...

1536
01:58:04,508 --> 01:58:06,424
Don't be such an arse.

1537
01:58:09,841 --> 01:58:11,841
- Look, there she is.
- Where?

1538
01:58:11,925 --> 01:58:13,424
Over there.

1539
01:58:16,050 --> 01:58:17,258
Oh, no.

1540
01:58:18,800 --> 01:58:21,841
It's okay, we'll go to the
airport. I know a shortcut.

1541
01:59:32,258 --> 01:59:34,258
Wait. Wait.

1542
01:59:37,466 --> 01:59:38,841
Oh, no.

1543
01:59:50,549 --> 01:59:51,841
Look,
we're not actually flying.

1544
01:59:51,925 --> 01:59:54,217
You can't come through
without a boarding pass.

1545
01:59:54,300 --> 01:59:58,591
Not even to let the boy say goodbye
to the love of his life?

1546
02:00:00,341 --> 02:00:01,424
No.

1547
02:00:04,466 --> 02:00:06,591
- I'm sorry, Sam.
- Boarding pass, sir?

1548
02:00:07,800 --> 02:00:09,383
Just a moment,
I know I've got it here somewhere.

1549
02:00:09,466 --> 02:00:11,508
Sorry. Would you mind
hanging on to that?

1550
02:00:11,591 --> 02:00:13,341
- Unless...
- What?

1551
02:00:13,424 --> 02:00:14,716
Do you want to
make a run for it?

1552
02:00:14,800 --> 02:00:16,175
Hold on to that, as well.

1553
02:00:16,258 --> 02:00:17,466
- You think I should?
- Yeah.

1554
02:00:17,549 --> 02:00:19,175
Thank you. Hold those.

1555
02:00:19,258 --> 02:00:21,300
Okay.

1556
02:00:21,383 --> 02:00:22,383
Yes!

1557
02:00:22,466 --> 02:00:25,466
No, I must have left them
where I was having a cup of coffee.

1558
02:00:25,549 --> 02:00:26,883
I'm sorry.

1559
02:02:18,758 --> 02:02:20,758
Joanna.

1560
02:02:21,841 --> 02:02:23,841
Sam?

1561
02:02:27,133 --> 02:02:28,925
I thought you
didn't know my name.

1562
02:02:29,008 --> 02:02:30,258
Course I do.

1563
02:02:31,549 --> 02:02:35,092
Oh, Jesus.
Here, I've gotta run.

1564
02:05:30,758 --> 02:05:32,758
Thank you.

1565
02:05:34,716 --> 02:05:36,716
That will be nice.

1566
02:05:38,841 --> 02:05:41,508
Yes is being my answer.

1567
02:05:43,925 --> 02:05:45,591
Easy question.

1568
02:05:52,258 --> 02:05:53,508
Bravo!

1569
02:06:20,133 --> 02:06:22,217
You learned English?

1570
02:06:22,633 --> 02:06:24,758
Just in cases.

1571
02:07:06,300 --> 02:07:07,633
Hello, Daisy.

1572
02:07:07,716 --> 02:07:09,424
This one's Greta.

1573
02:07:09,508 --> 02:07:10,508
Hello, Greta.

1574
02:07:12,508 --> 02:07:16,591
Here she is. This is Aurelia.
This is Juliet. This is Peter.

1575
02:07:16,716 --> 02:07:18,424
Mark, hi,
didn't see you there.

1576
02:07:18,508 --> 02:07:19,758
Yeah, just thought
I'd tag along.

1577
02:07:19,841 --> 02:07:22,633
Jamie's friends
are so good-looking.

1578
02:07:23,008 --> 02:07:25,175
He never tells me this.

1579
02:07:25,424 --> 02:07:28,300
I think maybe now
I have made the wrong choice,

1580
02:07:28,383 --> 02:07:30,175
picked wrong Englishman.

1581
02:07:30,258 --> 02:07:31,300
She can't speak
English properly.

1582
02:07:31,383 --> 02:07:33,300
She doesn't know
what she's saying.

1583
02:07:33,383 --> 02:07:35,466
Dad! Dad!

1584
02:07:37,466 --> 02:07:39,217
Oh, God.

1585
02:07:39,591 --> 02:07:40,591
Did you get us any presents?

1586
02:07:40,675 --> 02:07:42,591
As a matter of fact, I did.

1587
02:07:42,675 --> 02:07:44,300
Thanks, Dad.

1588
02:07:48,008 --> 02:07:49,175
How are you?

1589
02:07:49,258 --> 02:07:51,008
I'm fine. I'm fine.

1590
02:07:52,883 --> 02:07:54,841
Good to have you back.

1591
02:07:54,925 --> 02:07:57,258
Come on. Home.

1592
02:08:00,217 --> 02:08:02,217
There she is.

1593
02:08:03,716 --> 02:08:06,300
Hi.

1594
02:08:06,383 --> 02:08:07,549
Hello.

1595
02:08:07,633 --> 02:08:09,883
He should have kissed her.

1596
02:08:09,967 --> 02:08:11,508
No, that's cool.

1597
02:08:13,549 --> 02:08:16,092
Hey. What are you
two doing here?

1598
02:08:17,092 --> 02:08:18,341
I might get a shag at last.

1599
02:08:18,424 --> 02:08:19,675
Naughty.

1600
02:08:19,758 --> 02:08:20,758
Got to go.

1601
02:08:20,841 --> 02:08:22,175
Bye.

1602
02:08:27,883 --> 02:08:30,591
Now, this is Harriet.

1603
02:08:31,716 --> 02:08:34,716
Hi.
Really pleased to meet you.

1604
02:08:34,800 --> 02:08:36,341
Hello, Harriet.

1605
02:08:36,424 --> 02:08:40,424
I hope you don't mind,
I sort of brought my sister to stay.

1606
02:08:41,925 --> 02:08:46,383
This is Carla.
She's real friendly.

1607
02:08:46,967 --> 02:08:49,217
Hello, you must be Tony.

1608
02:08:50,508 --> 02:08:52,508
I heard you were gorgeous.

1609
02:09:05,133 --> 02:09:06,217
God, you weigh a lot.

1610
02:09:06,300 --> 02:09:07,508
Shut your face.